


What Now?

by MommaSkam



Series: What Now? [1]
Category: SKAM (TV), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Completed, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12016956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MommaSkam/pseuds/MommaSkam
Summary: A little Henjei fic that ponders the question, what now?Completed





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What is a common topic of dinnertime conversation at my house? What happened between Tarjei and Henrik, of course! My mom, daughter and I all have our theories. 
> 
> As a family law attorney and mediator by trade, I have developed a (I think) keen sense of relationships and body language. This little fic (which, of course, is pure fiction) is my take on what went on "behind the scenes" between Tarjei and Henrik.
> 
> This is a "PG" fic - 1) because I would have no idea how to write smut (even if I wanted to), 2) because I want my daughter and her friends to be able to read it, and 3) because I don't want to speculate about what really happened behind closed doors between Tarjei and Henrik. (There is plenty of Henjei smut out there for those who want it.)
> 
> I am already starting to think of chapter two - so please let me know if there is interest out there for my little "vanilla" Henjei fic. 
> 
> Thanks for reading

T knew that the day would come – the day that the fantasy would come to an abrupt end. It didn’t make the pain any less.

H waited until after they had filmed their final scene. T guesses that was kind of him. H knew it would be difficult (if not impossible) for T to get through filming the final party if they had “the talk” prior. Even so, the knowledge that it was coming put a damper on the whole experience for T. While everyone else laughed and hugged, and exchanged stories and memories – T mostly kept to himself. Looking back, he realizes that he wasted an opportunity to celebrate with a group of people who had become so dear to him over the past two years. (He had spent any free time that day sulking and playing games on his phone.) He should have been mad at H – but he wasn’t, he was mad at himself.

“The talk” – had just before the final Skam party - was brief and perfunctory. H told T how grateful he was that he got to share this experience with him. He thanked T for being such a good “friend,” and assured him that T would always have a special place in his heart. It was bullshit. 

T didn’t say much – didn’t want to say much for fear that he would divulge his true feelings. Instead he smiled and nodded – though all he really heard was an insincere buzz, and all he thought was “fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou”. They promised to remain friends, and made some vague plan to get together in the future. It was bullshit. 

Moments later, on the “red carpet,” T and H had to put on a show of being happy. T, who had thrown back a few shots of vodka in preparation - thought he had done a good job. He laughed and mugged it up. In actuality, his heart was in the process of breaking. Even in the few minutes that they were in front of the camera, T lost himself in his feelings for H. Embarrassingly, videos of the photo shoot that circulated after the fact show him grabbing at H’s bottom, and running his hand down H’s back. And H? He looked pissed. (That is, when he wasn’t letting out the fakest, heartiest laugh – to the delight of the journalists.) At one point, H shot him a “what the hell do you think you’re doing?” look and cocked his head accusingly towards T’s arm, which was around his waist. T just smiled sheepishly – and H humored him with a smile in return. (It was good for the camera.)

After the red carpet, T and H were expected to do the rounds of interviews – like they had a month earlier at Gullruten - but T couldn’t take it. He needed to get the hell out of there and drown his sorrows in lots and lots of alcohol. And that’s what he did.

Luckily for T, his friends knew what was going on – and they made sure that T was never alone. Marlon held T’s hands and they danced together like maniacs. And David – bless his soul – used the excuse that H was flirting with Ulrikke to give him an impressive shove. Yes, T had good friends. 

*****  
In the months that followed, T plunged himself into work. It was therapeutic. When he was so busy immersing himself into different rolls - a 1960’s “greaser”, and teenage seducer (of a woman the same age as his own mother!), to name a few – he didn’t have time to think about H. 

Even so, T couldn’t help to feel just the slightest bit smug when he compared his post-Skam achievements with those of H. While T was getting job offer after job offer – to the point that he was having to turn some down – H was spending his summer taking selfies on vacation, and being dragged to fashion shows and informal photoshoots with his girlfriend. (Whenever he saw photos of H, T couldn’t help but notice that H didn’t have the look in his eyes that he had become famous for – a certain “sparkle” that made T’s heart skip a beat whenever it was directed towards him.) 

*****

T didn’t truly realize that H was actively avoiding him until late August. While he had suspected it (since he and H never seemed to be in the same place at the same time), T’s epiphany came during a Skam reunion for Mari’s birthday. Everyone was there; him, Marlon, David, Sasha, Lisa, Adam, Carl, Rakel, Ina… But H wasn’t. His absence was suspect; it wasn’t like H to miss out on an opportunity to reconnect with his Skam friends. Plus, he was in Oslo. 

T didn’t know how to react to that. On one hand, he felt a certain selfish pride knowing that being in his presence made H so uncomfortable. (And that was H’s own fault, wasn’t it?) On the other, he felt bad that H, apparently, needed to separate himself from his Skam friends just because T would be there. T knew how important Skam was to H and his family (especially H’s mom, Siv, who loved T and treated him like another son) - H even walked around with a Skam tote bag, for God’s sake! 

But, again, H brought it on himself. It didn’t have to end that way. T knew very well that they were not going to live “happily ever after”. He knew that H had a girlfriend (or, at least, that’s how he presented her. T had his doubts about the true nature of their “relationship”.) But, for whatever reason (Insecurity? Repression? Fear?) H chose to distance himself from T rather than find a new way to be friends with him. As far a T was concerned, it was H’s loss.

*****

At the end of August, on the day that T finished filming “An Affair”, H texted him. It was completely out of the blue – and T didn’t know how to react.

H: Hi

T: Hi?

H: How are you?  
T: I’m good. You?  
Actually, scratch that. Why are you texting me?

H: I miss you?

T: Huh? WTF? Are you drunk?

H: Ha. No. Not at all. I just saw that you finished filming and I wanted to congratulate you. I  
am really proud of you. 

T: Uh. Ok? Thanks? 

H: Listen, I also want to apologize to you, but I want to in person. Can I see you?

T was taken aback – to put it mildly. For more than two months H had been avoiding him like the plague and now, suddenly, H wanted to meet him? Why?

T: Really? Uh. I don’t know. Like, why now? What changed?

H: Honestly, you’ve been on my mind for a while now. I can’t believe what a douche I was at  
the end party. I ruined the night for you. I still feel guilty about that.

T: Yeah, that did pretty much suck. But I’m over it. Don’t worry. 

H: But I still want to see you. Can I?

T: Again, why? 

H: Because I miss you. You are my friend, and I miss you. 

T: Ok. I guess. Coffee? KB? Tomorrow?

H: Great! 16:00?

T: I am running a revue meeting until 17:00. I can meet you at 17:30.

H: I’ll be there. 

T: Ok. See you.

H: Yes! See you <3 <3

T: WTF, Henrik?

H: ;-)

*****

When T arrived at the KB the next evening he made a beeline to the very back table (where he had H had sat for hours on end pouring over scripts and learning about each other; their hopes, dreams and every other cliché topic that they could come up with to extend their evenings together). 

H had a snapback on – the brim pulled low so that it covered the top part of his face. He was wearing a hoodie and was hunched over a book. Anyone walking by would think that he was a student. 

T was dressed similarly – snapback and hoodie – and looked equally inconspicuous. (T had actually found that he could blend in to a crowd more easily since he shaved his hair off. During his two years on Skam, his “curls” became as famous him. Although he had to buzz them off for “An Affair” – T was amazed at how liberating it was to be rid of them. Having his hair gone helped him to make a clean break from Skam – which was a relief after all that had gone down between him and H at the end.)

“Hey,” he greeted H. 

H looked up at him and gave him one of his million-dollar grins (the kind of smile that makes men, women and children alike swoon.) Despite himself, T smiled back. 

T plopped himself down in the chair across from H. “So. I’m here. What now?”

“Hi to you, too, Tar.” H chuckled. “Thank you for coming. I wasn’t sure you would.”

“I told you I’d be here. I’m not a jerk – like some.”

“Touché.” H retorted. “How are you? You’re so busy now! Thank you for coming to see me. I think it’s probably harder to get a meeting with you than the Queen of England!”

“It’s really not hard, Henrik. You never even tried.”

“Well you didn’t try to get in touch with me, either.”

With that, T gave H a withering look. Really? Did H really want to go there? 

“So, Henrik. How are you? How is Lea? You’re quite the power-couple, aren’t you?” Two could play that game. 

H cringed. Visibly. 

“Yeah. Um. About that. Yeah. She’s good, I guess.” H was flustered. T thought to try and save him – tell him that it was ok, he didn’t want to know – but he sort of wanted to see him squirm. “We’ve done some photoshoots together. She’s a friend. Well, I guess more than a friend. But I don’t know. It weird. I guess I feel a bit like a trophy boyfriend, you know?”

“Hmmm. No. I don’t know. What do you mean?

H sighs. “I don’t know, Tar. I feel like being with her is one big fashion show. When we are out, I am always so conscious of cameras being on us. I hate it – but she loves it. And now she got me into modeling. I mean me? A model? I want to act. I want to make a difference. I want something like Even and Isak again. That felt real. Important. What I am doing now just feels like bullshit.”

“Honestly? Yeah, I can see that. I mean you go from being in this groundbreaking show – where you really helped young people all around the world cope with mental illness and coming out as pansexual - to strutting around for the cameras looking all kinds of – I dunno – model-y. I mean, shit, what a waste, Henrik.”

T can tell that H is pretty taken aback by his bluntness. He stares at T, and T stares back. They sit like that for a minute or so. Neither knowing how to continue – how to move past the current tension.

H opens his mouth to say something and closes it again. He suddenly looks so sad. T feels a pang of guilt. Yes, he may still be hurting, but that doesn’t give him the right to be mean. H hadn’t meant to hurt him back in June – he just didn’t know how to transition whatever they “had” into a normal friendship. (T didn’t know either. How do people go from being “in love” to being “buddies” when the feelings were still so real?)

“I’m sorry, Henrik. That was kind of a low blow.”

“No, you’re probably right.” 

T exhaled audibly. He decided then and there that he owed it to H (and himself) to be honest – especially since he never really had been before.

“Look, this is hard for me Henrik. Really hard. I miss you. A lot. I mean, I know that Isak and Even were fiction – but I guess it felt real to me? And when you gave me the ‘friend zone’ brush off at the Skam party – shit – it felt so bad! And you were so cold to me. And then you avoided me after. What was I supposed to think? And now you contacted me again. And I am really wondering why? What do you want from me, Henrik?” 

“I want to be your friend.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t be your friend. Not now. Maybe someday. But not now. It hurts too much.”

Whatever glimmer of joy – of hope - there was in H’s eyes when T arrived, it was long gone. What was left was sorrow, and maybe a touch of guilt?

Again, they sat in silence. It occurred to T that they never even got anything to drink. 

“I think I should go.” T stood up abruptly. “Bye Henrik.”

“Wait, Tarjei, don’t go. Please.” H pleaded.

“What? Tell me. What do you want?”

Again, H floundered. It was clear that he wanted to say something – but the words didn’t make it out of his mouth. 

T stood there for another minute, hoping that H would garner the courage to tell him what he felt – what he wanted. But he didn’t. 

“Let me know when you figure it out.” 

And with that, T turned around and left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei ponders, "What did I do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See below for notes...

T was rather proud of himself when he walked out of the KB, leaving a stunned H behind. T felt as though he was channeling Isak in Season 3 Episode 6 when Isak stormed passed Even at the cantina. Or in Episode 7 when Isak texted Even, “Call me after you have broken up with your girlfriend.” Totally badass! He wanted to high-five himself. 

In fact, T was feeling so Isak-like that he half-expected H to show up at his doorstep, as Even did at the end of Episode 7, and embrace him passionately. 

H didn’t show up. And he didn’t contact T again.

*****

It took T less than 24 hours to realize that he had made a huge mistake. H reached out to him, and T treated him like shit. H was trying to do exactly what T thought that he wanted: attempting to find a “new way” to be friends with T post-Skam - and T reacted to him like a jilted lover. 

T was so humiliated. 

When he thought about how H’s eyes had sparkled when he first looked up at T, and then how despondent he appeared when T gave him that ridiculous ultimatum that H should contact him when he “figured it out” – well, T wanted to cry, or punch himself in the face, or drink himself into oblivion. Actually, he wanted to do all three. 

The truth was that, even at the last Skam party, when they had “the talk”, H didn’t actually do anything wrong. He never made T any promises. He never overtly led him on. He was always polite and respectful. A perfect gentleman.

It wasn’t H’s fault if T misinterpreted his actions. H is an affectionate guy – everyone knows that. H makes the people he’s with feel special – that is obvious. 

All T had to do was stalk H on social media for 5 minutes to find photos and videos of H embracing fans, who then gushed in emoji-laden posts that H is the “actual sun,” or the most lovely person ever, who needs to be “protected at all costs.” (T always got a funny feeling when he saw these posts. On one hand, he felt a certain pride that H was his “Even” – a character that was created especially for him, who blossomed alongside “Isak”, and who enriched so many lives with his incredible portrayal of a young bipolar pansexual man. On the other hand, T felt supremely jealous that these strangers were on the receiving end of H’s affections, and not him. It was infuriating.)

H was also a big ol’ flirt – and his crooked smile, quirked eyebrows, and intense soul-searching gazes were not exclusively T’s. On the contrary. 

T remembered when they were at Gullruten; how the journalists literally fell all over themselves to interview H. (One interviewer was so desperate that she actually asked H to try a “pick up line” on her. Even H realized how pathetic that was, and walked away.) The most hilarious interview was with Morten, who acted like a 17-year-old fangirl. And H just played right into it, making Morten gush and swoon. 

But that night, H belonged to T. It was not a joke when T told Morten that it was impossible to not fall in love with any character that H played – especially since, in T’s eyes, H was Even and Even was H. 

And the kiss? Well, that was the icing on the cake, so to speak. In that moment, the lines between truth and fiction faded into oblivion. It was not Isak kissing Even, but T kissing H. T felt it from the top of his head straight down to his toes. It was different from their kisses during filming – which were great, but somewhat forced. No, this kiss felt natural, real. Like they were two lovers caught up in the moment. 

Looking back, T couldn’t blame himself for falling for H. He thinks he would have to be in a literal coma to not be drawn in by H’s charisma. 

But he also knew that shouldn’t hold a grudge against H because the feelings weren’t mutual. 

*****

T spent the next 24 hours trying to decide what to do. He felt completely torn. While it was true that he missed H terribly – and felt a gaping hole in his heart that only H could fill – T also worried that he was setting himself up to be heartbroken all over again. (Although it had only been two-and-a-half months since the end of Skam, T had forced himself to move on. He kept himself so busy that he barely had time to take a proper shit, let alone pine away over H.)

In the end, the intense longing for the feeling he had when he was with H won out over T’s fears of rejection (and his sense of self-preservation.)

T pulled out his phone and texted H:

T: Hi. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. 

T waited. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Nothing.

He threw his phone to the other side of his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He was stupid. So totally stupid. Now, not only was he in pain, but he felt like a complete idiot. He had a chance. H had held out an “olive branch,” and he had swatted it away. 

T was starting to doze off (he was exhausted after his 15-hour day of school, revue planning, and Grease rehearsals) when he heard a ping. He lunged at his phone. It was H:

H: Hi Tarjei. Thanks for the apology. 

T kept looking at his phone, expecting another text. H didn’t send anything else. He was going to let T sweat it out. T was frustrated. He stood up, jumped around a bit and shook out his hands. He grunted and muttered “fuckfuckfuck” under his breath. Yes, he had texted H, but he was still no closer to knowing what to do. He was hoping for some sort of clue, but H just hit the proverbial ball back into T’s court. 

How could T fix this? Could he fix this?

And T didn’t even know if H genuinely wanted to be friends with him, or if he just contacted T to assuage his only feelings of guilt because he knew that he had broken T’s heart. 

Or maybe he didn’t even know that T was hurt at all. Maybe H reached out because he said he was going to (he did – after all – promise that they’d “keep in touch”.)

T felt like he was going slightly crazy. It was not like him to be so indecisive. Or so desperate. 

He looked down at his phone again and typed:

T: I’m not sure how to get past this – but I want to try. Will you meet me again at the KB? Can we have a do-over? 

H replied immediately:

H: Yeah. Sure. Tomorrow? 17:30?

T: Perfect. Thank you. 

T felt a rush of relief and gratitude. He did a little Rocky Balboa shuffle around his room. H was giving him another chance, and this time T wouldn’t mess it up with more “scorned lover” shenanigans. 

If nothing else, at least he could be H’s friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about to get personal and a little preachy - please don't read if you'll find that offensive in any way.
> 
> So, I got a text at 8:08 this morning from my best friend telling me that her dad had died. Heart attack.
> 
> I have known my best friend's dad - who I'll call "O" - for 3/4 of my life, since I was in elementary school. If there is one thing I can say about O is that he was "larger than life." Songs like Frank Sinatra's "I Did It My Way" were written for men like him. 
> 
> I am sitting at home now, waiting for my best friend to text me and tell me to come over to her house so that we can raise a glass to her dad and cry together. 
> 
> ***
> 
> I wrote this chapter last night and wasn't sure if to continue going, or start the next day with a new chapter. 
> 
> After getting the text this morning, I decided to post this chapter - also so that I could post this message:
> 
> Sometimes in life we are handed "wake up calls," and I am choosing to see what happened to my friend as one of them.
> 
> With all of the death and destruction going on around us each and every day - I think many of us have the overwhelming desire to metaphorically "pull the covers over our heads", put our fingers in our ears and shout "Lalalalalalala, I'm not listening" Lord knows I feel that way sometimes. 
> 
> And when faced with the world's problems, sometimes I feel completely helpless and overwhelmed. 
> 
> However, there is something that each of us can do to help pull us out of those feelings of powerless isolation - and it is actually so, so easy. Here it is:
> 
> Express to your family and friends - each and every day - how much you love and appreciate them. 
> 
> Yes, ok, that sounds super cheesy - and maybe I am sounding too "Alt Er Love" - but the truth - the real honest to God truth - is that we really do not know what the next day will bring for us. We'll never know when will be the last time that we see someone. 
> 
> Never waste an opportunity to tell someone that you love them. 
> 
> ***
> 
> Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now. 
> 
> I don't know when I will be able to write the next chapter - but it should be soon, I hope.
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei chats with David and ponders, "What am I hoping for?"

The next day T couldn’t concentrate worth a damn. He kept spacing out in class and felt so nervous that he wanted to jump out of his skin.

At lunch, he tried to play it cool with his friends, but David could tell that something was up.

“Dude, why you so utzie?”

“Utzie? What the hell is that?” asked T.

“It’s a new word I made up! It means, like, stressed out and fidgety. Do you like it? You can use it if you want. And then when it takes off, you can say that you know the person who created it!” David looked so pleased with himself. “But, seriously though, what’s going on, TJ?”

“Ugh! I am kind of freaking out because I’m gonna see Henrik after the revue meeting today.” T whined.

“Oh! Wow. Well, isn’t that good? I mean you want to see him, right?” David questioned.

“It’s just that last time I saw him, I really fucked up, and now I am trying to make up for it – but I don’t want to come off as pathetic or desperate.”

David’s eyes went wide. “Wait, back up. You saw Henrik? When? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you told me everything. I thought I was your best –“

“David! Stop! Dude. Let me talk, geez.” T huffed. “Just gimme a sec and I’ll tell you.”

“Ok. I’ll be quiet. Spill it.”

T sighed, “Ok. So you know how Henrik’s been avoiding me, right?” David nodded his head. “Well, I was moving on, minding my own damn business, when I got a text from him the other day saying that he missed me and wanted to see me.” David gave him a sly grin. “No, no – it was nothing like that – that was the problem. I went in there thinking that he MISSED me, but he just missed me.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, I guess I thought that maybe he missed me as in, maybe he wanted something more, but – no – he just wanted to check in with his ‘buddy Tar’. Anyway, I got pretty pissy with him – actually, I was fucking rude, told him that he hadn’t done anything meaningful since Skam ended. Oh, and I acted all ‘jealous boyfriend’ and questioned him about Lea. UGHHH! I am such an idiot!” T dropped his head onto the table with a bang. 

David tried to console T by telling him that he was sure it wasn’t as bad as T thought.

“That’s nice of you to say and all, but no, it was that bad. In the end, I went all ‘Isak’ on him and basically told him to call me when he dumps his girlfriend.”

“YOU DID NOT?!?!?!?” David gasped.

“Well, not exactly. But practically. I told him to call me after he figures shit out. And then I walked out.”

“Ok, yeah, that is pretty bad.” David shook his head. “Why do you want to see him again, anyway? I mean you were doing so well, TJ – moving on and shit. Can’t you just text him an apology? You were so fucking SAD after Skam ended. It was horrible being around you. You were all mopey and shit. Why do you want to do this to yourself again?”

“Damn, Big D. Way to be fucking blunt. Yeah. I get it, I was sad. But I miss him. And maybe we can be friends?”

“Really? You really think you can be friends with Henrik? And not want to suck face with him all the time?”

“I dunno….”

“I mean, what are you hoping will happen? Will you be ok if he just wants to be friends? If he doesn’t dump Lea for you? If you never kiss him again? If you are just ‘bros’? Nothing more?”

“God, David, are you trying to kill me?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to kill you because I love you, man. And I don’t want you to be hurt again.” David reached out and gave T’s shoulder a firm squeeze. “Dude, you were so gone over Henrik, it was ridiculous.”

“I wasn’t really ‘in love’ with him.” T does the air double quotes.

“Oh yeah, how do you figure that?”

“Well, you know, I’m an actor. And it's common for actors to have ‘feelings’ for their co-stars” More air double quotes. “Take Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt – they fell in love during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith…”

“Um, and then they got married and had, like, 16 kids.” David furrowed his eyebrows. “So your point is?...”

“But then they got, like, DIVORCED. So, see?!? It never works out with co-stars.”

“Actually, I think their divorce is on hold. But anyway, what I think you mean to say, TJ, is that it is common for co-stars to really identify with their roles – and maybe develop feelings for each other – but when the filming is over, the feelings are over, too. Is that it?”

“YES! That’s it. I’m not ‘in love’ with Henrik. Isak was in love with Even. But that’s all done now. Now it is time for Tarjei and Henrik to move past the feelings that they may have had for each other as Isak and Even, and form a new friendship as Tarjei and Henrik! Got it?”

“You know, I really hate when people talk about themselves in third person…”

“But do you see what I mean? I can do this, right? I can become bros with Henrik, right?” T looked at David beseechingly. 

“I dunno, man. I guess it’s worth a try.” T perked up a bit with that. 

“Yeah,” T exhaled. “It’s worth a try.”

*****

After his conversation with David, T felt a bit better. 

With another internal pep-talk or two, he should be all ready to bro-out with H later. They could talk about sports, music, acting, memories of Skam, hugging, kissing, gazing into each other's eyes… STOP THIS RIGHT NOW! T smacked his forehead – trying to knock out the invading daydreams. 

No. He could do this. He could pretend that H was David, or Shaun, or Marlon, or Jakob or any other of his friends. He could look at H without getting flustered, or batting his eyelashes, or smirking at him with pursed lips. He could hug him without letting his hand roam down his back. He could train himself to think of another God-like specimen of man when he slid his hand down his boxers in the privacy of his own room. 

Of course, it would be super hard, but T thinks (hopes?) it’ll be worth it to have H back in his life. He misses his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is still September 12th where I am - so happy birthday to Henrik! His mom, Siv, just posted an adorable photo of him and Tarjei at his party. I think it is the first time since Skam ended that we've gotten an actual (non-photoshopped) photo of the two of them together. So sweet.
> 
> Don't know when I'll be able to update next - I am headed out of town this weekend for a friend's wedding. The next chapter will be Tarjei and Henrik's meeting, take 2.
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei and Henrik meet - Take 2

When T arrived at the KB, he stood outside for a moment, took a deep cleansing breath, steeled himself, and plastered a wide grin on his face.

He walked into the café and headed straight to H, who was sitting at “their” table, just as he had been the other day; cap drawn down low and reading a book. 

Déjà vu. 

“Hey, man” T called out, a little too loud and a lot too jovial.

H looked up and smiled. T was pleased to see the famous H “sparkle” in his eyes.

“What can I get you to drink?”

“I’d prefer a beer, actually.” H confided.

T chuckled, “Yeah, me too. Let’s go?”

“Sure.”

H gathered up his things and they made their way out of the KB and to the nearest pub. 

Along the way, they chatted about their day. H had a meeting with his agent and spent some time with his mom at the restaurant. T told H about the revue meeting he had just come from.

“I swear, the entire school was there. There are even more people than last year. I think that some of them might not even be Nissen students. I saw a few girls – or should I say, women – who looked to be in their 20’s!” T laughed.

“Oh geez. Stalkers. They are getting bold, aren’t they?”

“They always have been. I was kinda hoping that it’d get better now that the show is over – but it still bad.”

“Eh. It’ll die down eventually.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

By the time they arrived at the pub, there was an easy banter between T and H, and T exhaled a sigh of relief. Maybe he could actually do this.

“Get us a table, I’ll get the beers” H directed.

T scouted the pub and found a table in a dark corner – just as they liked it. Where they could talk and not have to fear being noticed.

H came over with two beers. He placed one in front of T and kept the other for himself.

As he sat down, T picked up his beer and held it up, as if to make a toast, “To good friends,” he said. (How friggin’ cheesy could he be?) H smiled and repeated after him, “To good friends.” As they clinked their pint glasses together, they caught each other’s eyes for just a moment before both looked down at the table. H cleared his throat.

“So, Henrik. How are you?” T tried to restart the conversation. The nervousness he was feeling before began crawling up the back of his neck again. He mentally tried to tamp it down.

“Yeah. I’m good. Been keeping busy. I just did some photo shoots. One for Vogue UK, actually. It’ll come out soon.”

“Wow. That’s awesome!” T wanted H to know that he was genuinely happy for him. (Especially after he had put his foot so deeply in his mouth a few days earlier.)

“I’m kinda trying to figure out what’s next on my agenda. I am hoping for a juicy acting role, but so far nothing has panned out. I feel like they don’t really know what to do with me. I’m worried that Skam was a fluke.”

“Stop it. Don’t say that. You are an incredible actor. Your portrayal of Even….”

“It was easy being Even. With the exception of the bipolar part, I felt like I was playing myself. Sometimes I still feel that way. That Even and I are the same person.”

T looked quizzically at H, wondering what that meant for them. T thought about the Gullruten interview with Morten, when he said it was easy to fall in love with any character that H played – as he was so charming. But what if H wasn’t acting? What if it wasn’t Even that T fell in love with, but H? Again, T’s nervous energy came back with a vengeance and he started tapping on the table.

There was a heavy silence between them. H put his hand over T’s, quieting the incessant tapping. T’s eyes shot up. 

“Look. Tar. Can we talk? Like for real?” H asked. “I feel like we need to clear some stuff up before we can move forward.”

“We d-don’t have to,” T stuttered out. “I’m ok. I get it.” T was mortified. 

“No, you don’t. Please, just let me say what I need to say, ok?”

“Ok,” T mumbled. He really, really didn’t want to hear H tell him that he read him all wrong. That they were never more than friends. That what happened between them was a product of T’s active imagination. T had spent two and a half months “licking his wounds” post-Skam, and he was so afraid that H would rip the scab off all over again. 

“Look, you’re not wrong.” 

“What?” T blurted out.

“What you felt. It wasn’t wrong. I felt it too.” H curled his fingers around T’s hand, which was still on the table.

“You need to know that I never, ever, wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to lead you on. I was confused, too. Being with you - as Isak, as Tarjei – it was so natural. If you saw love in my eyes, Tar, it was because – in that moment – I really did love you. I promise.”

T just looked at H, dumbfounded. This was NOT what he was expecting, and he did not know how to respond. 

H continued, “When Skam was over, I knew that we’d both need to move on – but I also knew that it’d be hard, so I did what I thought I had to do. I shut you out. I avoided you. It killed me when I realized how much I hurt you – but I didn’t know what else to do. I am so, so sorry, Tar.” 

At that, H stopped talking and looked to T to respond. 

T opened and closed his mouth a few times – unable to form words. 

Finally, he garnered his strength and asked, “So why did you contact me now? I don’t understand. I was finally starting to feel a little better. Move on. I mean, you have a girlfriend, Henrik. What do you want from me?”

Now H was the one who looked dumbfounded. T thought that maybe H was expecting that after his little revelation everything between the two of them would be all better. It wasn’t. Yes, at least T felt a bit validated – now he knew what he felt wasn’t entirely in his head, or completely one-sided – but it still didn’t change anything, did it?

“I meant it when I said I miss you, Tar. I do. I miss our friendship. I miss being able to talk with you for hours about everything and anything. I miss laughing with you. I miss how you challenged me and brought out more of me as an actor than I ever thought possible.”

“I miss that too.” T admitted, “But if we are being honest,” T exhaled deeply, “I also miss kissing you. And hugging you. I miss how you used to look at me.

“For months now, I have been trying to convince myself that you were just acting, that you couldn’t possibly feel for me how I felt for you. And now you’re saying that you do – or did – um, I don’t know how to deal with that. What to do with that.” T looked down at where H was still holding his hand and he pulled it away. 

Again, there was heavy silence. Finally, H broke it, “Hey, I’m ready for another beer. You?”

T took it as a positive sign that H wasn’t looking for the first opportunity to bolt out of the pub. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll get this round.” T was glad to get up and spend a few minutes away from H. He had to clear his head. This was way too much information. 

So now he knew – or at least H had told him – that the feelings were mutual. T couldn’t really believe it. If H had genuinely felt something for him, how was he able to move on so quickly? How could he fall into the arms of someone else? T wanted desperately to find someone to love, someone who would love him back, but everyone he met paled in comparison to H. 

And yet, T did miss H’s friendship. He liked to think it was possible for he and H to find a way to move past Skam and just be “buddies.” Maybe if they set some “ground rules”, over time, they could do it. Yeah. That’s what they’d do. 

T went back to the table with an agenda; create the Henrik and Tarjei Friendship Rule Book. 

T slammed the beers on the table (bottles this time), and H jumped in his seat. 

“I made a decision!” T exclaimed. “I know how we are going to do this.”

“You figured that out in the past two minutes? That’s impressive.” H laughed.

“Yes. We are going to set rules. We are going to call it the Henrik and Tarjei Friendship Rule Book.”

“Huh. Ok.” H gave T an unreadable expression. Something between quizzical, humorous and fond. 

T took a swig of his beer. He was wishing he got something stronger. “Rule 1: no kissing.” H laughed – but T didn’t. “No cuddling. No holding hands. No hugs that last longer than two seconds. No talking on the phone until one of us falls asleep. And absolutely no saying ‘I love you’.”

“Wow. Ok. You’re serious about this.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes, Henrik, I am. I can’t let my heart be broken again. Which brings me to my next rule. What number is it? 6? 7? Anyway, the next one is, no mentioning girlfriends or boyfriends. Honestly, I don’t want to know. There is a reason why I am not on social media. Ignorance is bliss. What you do with your life is your business – and I can’t be that friend for you to confide in about your love-interests. OK?”

“Got it. Yeah, I admit that it kind of pisses me off that you keep kissing that Petter guy. What’s up with that?” 

“You’re joking, right? You can’t be serious, Henrik.”

“Actually, I am a little”

“You are ridiculous. That is a spoof, Henrik.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Anyway, can you think of anything else for our Rule Book?” Asked T.

“No. I think you covered it.” H replied solemnly. 

“If something else comes up, we’ll let each other know, yeah?”

“Sure. Ok.”

T chugged down the rest of his beer and let out a sigh. “I had a long day. I’m pretty tired. Maybe we should call it a night?” Henrik looked down at his watch. 

“It’s only 19:30. Do you wanna get a kebab or something?” H asked.

While T would have loved to prolong the evening as much as possible, he felt that this was a good stopping point. They had “cleared the air.” They had a set of rules. That was enough for today. As it was, T felt the exhaustion falling on him. Soon it would be hard to keep from curling up against H and letting himself drift off to sleep with his head on H’s chest, and H’s hand rubbing comforting circles on his back. 

“I think I need to get home,” T responded. H looked disappointed but did not push it.

They walked outside and just stood there, dumbly, with their arms hanging by their sides. All of their “normal” ways of interacting with each other were against the rules. And there was no way that T was going to shake H’s hand. That was just too ridiculous. 

“So. Bye, I guess.” T held his hand up to wave.

“Yeah. Bye.” H responded – and then suddenly had a thought. “Hey. My birthday is next week. My mom is hosting a dinner at the restaurant. Do you want to come? I mean, I’d be really happy if you come. Will you?”

“Yes. Of course I’ll come. Thank you.” T smiled – a genuine smile this time.

“Cool. So, yeah, I’ll text you the info.”

“Ok. Sounds good. See you soon.”

H flashed his winning grin one more time and then turned and walked away. T did the same.

*****

Later that night, as T replayed the evening in his head for the umpteenth time, he couldn’t help but feel excited. H was back in his life again, and this time it was for real. T was determined to not mess it up. All he had to do was stick to the rules. Easy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik's birthday!

As promised, later that evening, H texted T the details about his birthday dinner at Ett Bord. 

T was giddy with excitement. Not only because he knew that he’d see H again soon, but also because of their meeting a few hours earlier. T still could not believe that H admitted to having feelings for him. The fact that these feelings, apparently, ended when Skam did was of no consequence to T. And, although T realized that it was foolish and risky, he still couldn’t help but to hold out hope for him and H – hope that they would once again share the kind of closeness that they did while filming.

*****

The next day, David was quick to find T at lunch to get the goods on what had happened between him and H. 

Not surprisingly, after T told him everything that H had said, and the “rule book”, and the fact that H invited him to his birthday dinner, David gave him some unsolicited brotherly advice.

“Oh shit. TJ! It’s happening again! You’re falling for him again! Don’t you have any pride, man?” 

“What the fuck, David?” T gasped. He thought his friend would be happy for him. “I’m not falling for him again!” 

David just looked at him and shook his head. “Whatever, man. If you say so. But that goofy friggin’ look on your face tells a different story.”

“I do not have a look, OK? Can’t I be happy to have my friend back?”

David shrugged. He seemed to be on the verge of saying something else – something like, “don’t come crying to me when your heart gets broken again.” But he bit his tongue. 

“Just please be careful, TJ. Will you?”

“Of course. Yeah. I will. Please don’t worry.”

*****

Over the next week, T rode the emotional rollercoaster between joy and exhilaration, and wariness and fear. While he was desperate to see H again, T knew that H's birthday party would not be the time or place for them to reconnect in any sort of meaningful way. Also, Lea would be there. (T couldn’t hold his feelings of angst against Lea. She was a nice enough girl. They worked together a bit on An Affair. Even so, T didn't really feel like being subjected to her and H's potential "PDA" - which would likely be on full display at the party. ) 

At various times over T considered texting H and making up some excuse as to why he couldn’t come to his party. 

But in the end, T’s desire to be in H’s presence won out over – again – any sense of self-preservation.

*****

T spent days racking his brain – trying to figure out a present for H that would be meaningful. Something that would be special – quintessentially them – and that no one else could give him. 

When the idea came to him, T knew right away that it was perfect; he would bring H the Gullruten award. (They had argued over who was going to keep it. Both thought the other should have it. In the end, H had convinced T that HE was the star of Skam Season 3, and HE was the one who had been nominated for best actor – but was unjustly denied the honor – and so he should be the one to keep it. H laughed that he was planning on making movies in America, anyway, so he’d get a best actor Oscar someday - and he wouldn’t have to share it.)

*****

The evening of the party, T put on his blue button down (the one he wore on the last day of filming) and his new favorite pink jean jacket. He felt good and festive.

When he arrived at Ett Bord, he noticed that the restaurant was already full of H’s friends and family. The first person to spot him was H’s mother, Siv, who squealed in delight when she saw him.

“MY SON-IN-LAW IS HERE!” She shouted and ran over to T and attacked him with hugs and kisses. “Henrik didn’t tell me you were coming! I can’t believe him! I asked him if you were coming and he said that he thought you were busy! He was trying to surprise me, wasn’t he?” Siv kept holding him and laughed joyfully in his ear. 

T didn’t want to get H in trouble with his mom by telling her the truth (that her son had been avoiding him for months and they had only reconnected a few days earlier), so he just laughed along with her.

“Oh! I need a picture of you two.” She dragged T to the other side of the restaurant where H was standing with his friends and yelled out to him, “Henrik! Look who I found!” H looked over at his mom, and T could see his face light up when H saw him.

“Tar! You made it!” H grinned widely and threw his arms around T. Although T didn’t count, he was pretty sure their hug was longer than two seconds (a violation of their rules.) But since it was H’s birthday, T did not break away. And since they were already embracing, T used the opportunity to shove his face into H’s neck and inhale his beautiful scent deeply. (He didn’t know when/if he’d have the chance to do it again.) It filled up his soul. He felt as though he had just come upon an oasis after wandering in the desert for months. If only he could bottle H’s scent…

Siv shoved some flowers into H’s hands and told T and H to smile. She took a photo of the boys, looked at it, smiled and sighed. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to see you two together.” She then ran off to deal with the kitchen staff, who was frantically preparing for the party.

“I’m glad you came. You made my mom so happy!” H said with a wink (his infamous “blink wink”). 

“That the real reason why I came,” T said with a chuckle. “Hey, can I give you your present now?” T asked.

“You didn’t have to bring me anything, Tar. You being here is enough.”

“Thanks, but I think you’ll like this.” T took the gift bag off the floor and handed it to H, who looked at him quizzically.

As soon as he reached into the bag and felt the award, H’s eyes shot up. “No way!” He pulled out the gold rectangle and stared at in awe. “I can’t believe it, Tar! You can’t give me this! This is yours!”

“No, it’s not. It’s ours. We won it together. There would have been no Isak without Even, and no Even without Isak.” 

“There was an Isak before Even, you know that. Isak would have existed without Even. There could have been a Jacob - or a Julian”

“NO! Don’t say that. You were – I mean Even was – who made Isak into a man. Before Even, Isak was a boy who smoked a shit-ton of weed, and played a shit-ton of FIFA, and whacked off bad gay porn!” H laughed. “Even taught Isak how to have empathy and compassion. He taught him responsibility. He taught him the meaning of love.” 

H gazed at T fondly. T didn’t mean to make that little speech, and he suddenly became embarrassed and looked down at the floor. 

“Tar. Thank you so much. This really is the best present you could have given me. But I can’t take it – at least not for good. Can we share it?”

“Like sharing custody?” T giggled. “Ok. So I just had it for four months. How about you have it for four months now?”  
“Yes! That great! It’ll be our baby!” H looked so overjoyed that T couldn’t help but laugh. 

H gave T another quick hug and said that he had to continue doing the rounds and greeting his guests. 

*****

T had a great time for the remainder of the night. He was greeted so warmly by H’s family and friends. And, although Lea was there, she – oddly – was seated away from H. In fact, the two of them interacted very little throughout the evening. T wondered if this was intentional or not. But, either way, it made things much more comfortable for T – who could gaze over at H without having to have a constant reminder that he had a girlfriend. 

*****

T was one of the last guests to leave. Although he didn’t want to admit it – not even to himself – he was hoping to be able to catch another stolen moment with H. Maybe another hug.

As luck would have it, H – who was still holding that damn Gullruten award – came over to him and threw his arms on T’s shoulders. He bumped his forehead against T’s and held it there. For a moment they stood together in silence.

“Thank you, Tar, so much, for coming. You made this night really special for me.”

T felt a lump rise in his throat. He tried to speak, but words failed him. Finally, he squeaked out “Anytime.”

H lifted his head up, gave T a quick kiss on his forehead, and walked away to say goodbye the few remaining guests.

T stood there, dumbly, for a minute or so until Siv came over to him. She hugged him firmly and told him that he shouldn’t be such a stranger. That she loves him and wants him to come visit her more – and that he should bring David next time. T promised he would. 

*****

By the time T left the restaurant it was well past 1:00 in the morning. He knew that he’d be wrecked the next day at school – but he didn’t care. This night, and being in H’s presence, meant so much to him. H and his family made T feel that he mattered to them – that he was an important part of their lives. 

And while this realization could have been seen as a closure, or a validation of T and H’s past, what it actually felt like was a new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we are kind of "up to date" in the story of Henjei. While I would love to be able to continue this fic - I like when I can base the story on real events, when things can unfold organically. (When I started the fic, I could not have planned Henrik's birthday! As soon as I saw Siv's photo of Tarjei and Henrik - the first photo of the two of them together since Skam ended - I thought "WooHoo! I have another chapter!")
> 
> So now I am going to wait a bit to see if inspiration strikes me - either because there is another Henjei "sighting," or because I feel like branching out and creating purely imagined scenarios.
> 
> If anyone has any ideas that they'd like to share - please do not hesitate to do so. 
> 
> Hugs!
> 
> MommaSkam


	6. Chapter 6 - Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Siv, what have you done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Another update!
> 
> So I didn't know when I'd have more Henjei material to write about - but then my lovely daughter actually suggested that I write something about Tarjei's feelings post-party, and it reminded me of "Siv-gate", the Instagram debacle. 
> 
> This chapter is angsty, but it's my take on why Henrik was a no-show at the Skam panel (while, supposedly, his mom was in the audience... Hmmm.) 
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam

H: You got my mom in trouble

T: What? How? What did I do? Your mom loves me

H: Yeah. She does. Too much. That’s how you got her in trouble

T: Explain…..?

H: You’re not on Insta, so you probably didn’t know that my mom posted that photo that she took of us on my birthday

T: No, I didn’t. That’s sweet

H: And then she wrote “A year ago these two beautiful young men met and got to work their magic together in season 3 of SKAM”

T: Awwww. I’m so touched

H: Yeah. Well Lea was not so touched. She was pissed. She couldn’t believe that the ONE AND ONLY pic that my mom posted of my birthday party was of you and me 

T: Oh shit! Yeah, I guess that would kind of sting

(T couldn’t help but fall a little more in love with Siv)

H: Yeah. So then I told my mom to fix it – because Lea was offended. What did she do? She posted a photo of me and Lea from Vogue UK and then wrote, “Fiction is fab and real life can be too!” 

T: Ok, what’s so bad about that?

H: CAN BE? Tar, that is like SO passive aggressive. I mean is she even trying to smooth things over?

T: So how did Lea react to that? 

H: She was still pissed, of course. Finally, my mom posted a family photo of us on a hike, but all she wrote was “Norwegian woods!” I mean, would it have killed her to say something like “Look at my beautiful family” or some shit like that? She positively gushes over everyone else – but this photo, “Norwegian woods!”. Arhghaslkhf!!!!

T: So are things better with Lea now?

H: Eh. Not really. She is super possessive again – like she was around Gullrutten.

(T recalled how Lea freaked out about T and H’s on-air kiss and then “congratulated” them on their award by posting a photo of her and H kissing.)

T: Oh. I’m sorry.

H: Yeah. Me too. She is so jealous of you, Tar, and basically told me that I had to pull out of the Skam panel next week because she knows that you are going to be there.

T: What the fuck? That is so uncool!

H: Yeah, but I don’t know what to do. I care about her - really – but even more than that, we are now the “Norwegian It Couple” according to British Vogue. We are a package deal. We have photo shoots lined up. People fucking eat it up. They compared us to Johnny Depp and Kate Moss, for God’s sake!

T: Huh. That’s cool, I guess?

H: Yeah. It’s cool. But it also sucks, because I can’t just be me. I am part of this “team” – and if I mess up, it’s not just my life, but Lea’s too. I can’t do that to her 

(T didn’t quite know what to say. This whole conversation violated their “rules” – but T felt like H needed someone to talk to, and he was H’s friend, so what could he do?)

T: So you told me all of this because…?

H: I guess I just wanted to you know what was going on so you’d know why I wouldn’t be at the Skam panel. And also so you’d know why I will probably kind of “missing in action” for a while. Things need to calm down. Lea is totally on edge 

T: Henrik, you do realize how dysfunctional this sounds, right?

H: Yeah. I realize it

T: So, basically, are you telling me that we can’t talk or see each other anymore? Is it “avoid Tarjei at all costs” again? Because if so, just fucking say it. I would rather know now before I get used to having you back in my life

H: Tar, do you have to be so fucking dramatic? You know I want you in my life. I would have never contacted you again if I didn’t. But you need to understand what is going on 

T: I get it Henrik. Of course I do. This is business. It just feels super shitty that I had to get involved in it. 

H: I’m sorry.

T: Yeah. Me too.

H: This will smooth over soon. I promise. I’ll call you, ok?

T: Yeah. Whatever.

****

T couldn’t believe that this was his life. Three days earlier he was on Cloud 9 after H’s birthday. He finally felt that things were going to be ok between them. That they’d found a way to be friends – real friends.

And now it all went to shit. 

David was a fucking prophet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei has emotional whiplash and renewed hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when I think that this story will fizzle out, Tarjei and Henrik gift us with new content! Yay!

In the days leading up to the Skam panel, H was, indeed, “missing in action.” T heard nothing from him – and although H had already forewarned him, it still hurt.

Arriving at the theater where the panel would be held was a bit like coming home in that some of his favorite people were there: Carl, Ulrikke, Ina, and Josephine. T half expected H to make a surprise appearance, but, no.

The panel itself was fine. Ulrikke did most of the talking, which no one seemed to mind, or was surprised by. T was preoccupied – being with his Skam friends and talking about their Skam memories and experiences caused him to think about H. 

T felt that many of the questions were directed towards him, especially the ones where the moderator asked if any of them had trouble separating “fiction from reality”. T knew that they were trying to get some juicy tidbits out of him about his relationship with H – but he didn’t bite. He didn’t want to feed into the Skam fandom’s hunger for “Henjei” (though, personally, he craved it, himself.)

After the panel, T and the others went out into the lobby to take photos and greet fans. T didn’t feel like playing along and just wanted to get out of there and go home and sleep. (He later learned from David that some fans posted on Twitter that T seemed cold and aloof. It was frustrating for T, who just wished that people realized that – even for all his accomplishments – he was still just a teenager, who was tired after a long day!)

*****

Later that night, as T lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, he couldn’t help but feel that the panel marked the end of an era. He and his Skam cast-mates were moving on to other projects, to continue their studies, to the military, to real life. The two-year chapter of their lives was coming to a close, and T was sad – in more ways than one.

T thought about H, of course. Although he and H had just started on a path to a new “friendship”, it seemed to be suddenly and unceremoniously derailed by real life… And by relationships that would endure past when Skam was relegated to being simply a “revolutionary” show that kicked off a million copy-cats. (They do say “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”)

Once again, T understood the hopelessness of the situation and realized that he needed to move on. 

*****

Which is why T felt that he was suffering from emotional whiplash when he received a call the next morning from his agent with news that Interview Magazine wanted to do a feature on him and H. Together. 

T was quick to accept the offer – and prayed that H would do the same.

Not even 5 minutes later, H texted him.

H: Did you get a call about Interview Magazine?

T: Yeah

H: Do you want to do it?

T: Are you kidding? Of course I do! Don’t you?

H: Yeah, it’ll be cool. It’s in Stockholm, you know

T: I know. Are you ok with that? 

H: I’m ok. Of course I’m ok with it. Lea might not like it, but it’s such an amazing opportunity. I hope she understands that

T: I’m sure she will 

H: Yeah. We’ll see

*****

Ten days later T traveled from Sandefjord (where he was attending a conference for the revue) to Stockholm to meet with H for the Interview Magazine photoshoot and interview. 

Although T didn’t quite know what to expect, he was cautiously optimistic that he and H would get to spend some quality time together – away from the stressors of “real life.”

When he arrived, T was surprised to see that everything was going to be in one large, bright room. There were a few people prepping for the day, but the vibe was very chill. He greeted everyone with a pleasant but reserved smile.

H sauntered in a few minutes later – a literal breath of fresh air - full of smiles and good cheer. Immediately, the energy in the room shot up. As the hair stylist, makeup artist, photographers, and interviewer all took their places to get to work, H made the rounds, shaking everyone’s hands as if they were old friends. (T thought H might have known some of them from other photo shoots, but he didn’t. That was just the way H was. He had a knack for connecting with people.)

When H finally made his way over to T, he swept T into a warm embrace. “I’m happy I’m doing this with you.” H whispered into T’s ear. “I’m happy, too” T sighed back. H gave him another squeeze and then stepped away. “Let’s do this!” H clapped and then high-fived T, who rolled his eyes and laughed at his friend’s enthusiasm. 

The next half-hour was spent doing hair and makeup. T was glad to get a trim – the buzz cut was growing out and was starting to look a bit Monchichi-like. 

To get them settled and used to the cameras, the photographers told H and T that they would do some solo photoshoots. H went first, and T was in awe watching him work. H was a pro; his expression could go from sultry and sexy, to adorable “boy next door” in a matter of seconds. 

T knew he was gawking, but he couldn’t help it. H was mesmerizing. 

After a few minutes, H looked over at him and winked (blinked). T shook himself out of his H-induced trance. 

“Wow. You’re really good at this, Henrik. You’ll have to give me some tips, ok?”

H laughed, “I’m sure you’ll do fine, Tar. You have tons more acting experience than I do. It’s just like playing a part.”

After the photographers finished with H, it was T’s turn. T was told to lay on the floor on his side, propped up by his arm. T literally felt like a beached whale. He couldn’t imagine that he looked very seductive – or very photogenic at that. 

“Try to relax, Tar.” H coached him.

“I can’t! I feel like I look fucking constipated!” T whined back.

“Would it help if I put on some music?”

“It couldn’t hurt, I guess.” 

T watched H walk over to the audio system and plug his phone in. A moment later, the Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love” was pouring out of the surround sound speakers. 

H walked back and leaned against the wall, looking intently at T – who was trying to remember how to breathe.

“I love this song.”

“I know.” 

T let the music, and H’s gaze, seep into his heart and mind. Soon he was singing along and giving the photographer a magazine-worthy photo shoot. 

Being there with H reminded T of when they were on-set for “Gutten som ikke klarte a holde pusten under vann”. Like with the photo shoot now, although Julie was filming, H was always there, watching. That was the only way that T was able to channel Isak – and the love that he felt for Even - and act as if Even was actually filming him. 

Even though they were no longer acting on Skam, knowing that H was watching him as he posed for his photo shoot, T felt that same fluttering low in his tummy. 

T could tell that he was going a bit overboard with the seduction act (throwing his head back in apparent ecstasy, and then and smirking with his “bedroom eyes”) but when he chanced a glance over at H, he could see the intensity in his eyes. His lips slightly parted. Hands shoved deep into his pockets. 

“Shit, Tar. I think you got it.” H huffed out. 

“You think?” T asked, coyly. H nodded and T burst out laughing. He loved making H squirm. 

The rest of the afternoon was like a dream. Although T and H had a crew of people swirling around them, they were used to interacting in that environment – it was rare that they were ever really alone when they were filming Skam. In some ways, they were able to be even more intimate with each other when everyone was around them. Because they were being watched, they could be physical without it seeming inappropriate. They could hug, touch, lean against each other, massage each other’s necks – and If anyone asked, it was just an act for the camera or mutual comforting between good friends. 

Interspersed with wardrobe changes and photo shoots, T and H were interviewed. T loved watching H talk about Skam, and about their work together. His eyes positively sparkled. And he never stopped touching T – whether on T’s knee, shoulder, neck or lower back. T was finding difficult to concentrate and – as usual – he let H do most of the talking. 

*****

At the end of the day, T and H took a taxi to the airport to head home. This time they were on the same flight back to Oslo. 

As usual, they both had caps and hoodies on – but they were still recognized by a few fans. Luckily, the people they met were either too respectful or too star-struck to take photos.

Moments after sitting down on the plane, both T and H conked out; T with his head on H’s shoulder, and H with his head resting on top of T’s. The flight home was (too) short, and soon after taking off, they were woken up and told to get ready for landing. 

 

When the wheels hit the ground and the plane skidded to a stop, T’s shoulder’s drooped. He knew that the magical day he had spent with H was over. In a few moments, the doors would open and he and H would leave the plane and go their separate ways. (T’s mom was picking him up. He didn’t know who was picking up H. Maybe his mom, too? Or Lea?)

As if sensing his sadness, H grabbed T’s hand. “Hey. Don’t be upset. We had such a good day, didn’t we?” T looked up and saw nothing but fondness in H’s eyes. 

Suddenly, H leaned in and kissed T. Just a soft peck on the lips. It was the sweetest, most innocent kiss – but it made T catch his breath.

“The rules!” T whimpered. “We are not allowed to kiss. Shit, Henrik. I think we broke pretty much all of them today.” T looked devastated.

“Tar, you need to stop thinking so much! I had a great day. Didn’t you? Please just accept it for what it is, ok?”

T contemplated for a moment, “Ok. I’ll try. But please don’t go “M.I.A” on me again. That will hurt too much.”

“I won’t. I promise.” H said, and he squeezed T’s hand again. 

*****

By the time T got home, he was so exhausted that he practically crawled into his bed. Seconds before falling asleep, he heard the ping of his cell phone: 

H: Sweet dreams, Tar

T: Goodnight. Thank you for today

H: Anytime. xoxo

T drifted off to sleep with a smile.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei and Henrik ponder their photoshoot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I pounded out this chapter - I have been up since 4:00 a.m. working on an emergency pleading for a client that had to be filed at 8:00 am (I'm on the West Coast, so it is almost 11 p.m. here.)
> 
> I guess I can attribute my burst of energy to the Henjei interview and photo spread that came out today. I was between appointments when the first photos were released - and I must have looked like a kid in a candy shop. All I can say is that those photos are friggin' amazing. 
> 
> Anyway, as always, I never know if this little fic will continue or not. Depends on Tarjei and Henrik. and if they continue to gift us with new content. 
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam

T lay in his bed with his laptop resting on his stomach. He scrolled through the photos of him and H again and again. He could still feel their hands clasped. Their foreheads pressed together. The weight of H’s arms around him, H’s head resting on his shoulder and his back. He could picture H’s piercing blue eyes gazing on him – both from centimeters away and from across the room. He could feel H’s warm breath as they breathed in the same air – lips on the verge of touching. 

T knew that the day they spent together was electric – but looking at the photos, he believed that he wasn’t the only one who felt it.

T was jolted back to reality by a vibration at his side. He grabbed his phone. It was H. T answered the call, but before he could get a word out, H gasped, “Tar, man, is it just me or are those photos fucking HOT?”

T huffed out a chuckle, “Yeah. They pretty much are. You look amazing, Henrik. You are such a natural at the modeling thing.”

“You too, Tar. That photo of you putting on the beanie? Oh my God, you are so adorable! I wanna pinch your cheeks!”

“I was going for dangerous and seductive!” T laughed. 

“Oh yeah, that too.” H giggled. “So, which one is your favorite?”

“I like the one where we are holding hands. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look smoking hot in that one, Henrik.” T was glad that they were talking on the phone so that H couldn’t see him blush.

“Yeah, that’s a good one. I actually like the one where you are wearing the clothes that are too big for you.”

“But you can’t even see your face in that one!”

“Yeah, but you look so cute! Like a shrunken old man! In those ‘dad’ pants! The best!”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment? ‘Cuz it really doesn’t sound like one.” 

“It is! Really! I like how they didn’t try to make us look like Even and Isak. I thought they’d gel up my hair – but they let me be myself, which was cool. It felt really different than the Vogue shoot. They put so many products on me for that one that I could hardly recognize myself. In this one I felt like me, you know?” 

“I felt like me, too. Not like Isak. I think buzzing my hair was the best thing for me. I know I have to grow it out again now for Grease – but I kind of wish I could keep it like this. This haircut is freedom.”

T thought about the implications of his and H’s admissions that the photoshoot – which was so very intimate – was THEM, and not Isak and Even. If H was thinking about that too, he didn’t say so.

“What do you mean ‘freedom’?”

“Well, it’s like I said in the interview; since I go to the Nissen every day - and I’m the same age as Isak – sometimes it’s hard for me to separate myself from him. Don’t forget, I was Isak for two years!”

H hummed in agreement. “I know it’s not the same – but I also feel like Even is still a big part of me. But I don’t mind that.”

“Yeah? Why don't you mind?”

“Because I had Isak then. And that love was so pure." H sighed, "I still can’t believe it’s over. I miss it. Don’t you miss it, Tar? Don’t you miss what we had?”

Well, that went off a cliff fast. T was speechless. His mind started spinning. He felt his chest constricting and his breathing got shallow. 

“Tar? Are you there? Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That was so selfish of me! I’m such an idiot.”

T continued to gasp for air. He was on the verge of crying – out of joy, out of pain, he couldn’t quite tell. 

“Tarjei. I hear you breathing. Please say something. Please.” H begged.

T grunted and coughed. “I’m ok.” He finally blurted out. 

“Oh, thank God!” H cried. “Shit, Tar, don’t scare me that that, ok?”

“I’m sorry. You caught me off guard. You can’t just say stuff like that, Henrik.” 

T felt as the though the rug had just been pulled out from under him, and he didn’t know what was “real” and want was “fiction” anymore. He had spent months telling himself that Isak and Even were over – and he had finally started to believe it. But if that was the case, what were the feelings he was experiencing for H now? And what were the feelings that H was experiencing for him?

What was clear – clearer than clear – was that there was something between him and H that was more than just “buddies”. It was undeniable. They both felt it. But what were they going to do about it? T had no idea. 

This realization didn’t actually CHANGE anything. T still had his life and his obligations. And, of course, H still had a girlfriend. This all felt so Skam-like. Why did life have to imitate art so darn much?

After what felt like minutes of silence, H finally spoke, “Tar, I feel like I put you and in terrible position again. I don’t know why I do this. There was a reason that I avoided you after Skam, and this is it. This is not fair for you. All you have ever shown me is care and, well, love – and I have taken it for granted. I’m so sorry.”

“I feel like you are pitying me, Henrik. Please stop. It’s not like this has been one-sided, you know. You could have continued staying away from me – but obviously, you didn’t want to. Don’t forget, it was you who reached out to me.”

“I guess I thought that we could just be friends. I don’t know if we can. At least not now.” 

“Fuck, Henrik. You are really killing me, you know? I feel like I am on a rollercoaster. What do we do now? Go back to avoiding each other? Try to pretend like this conversation never happened and go back to being ‘bros’?”

“I really don’t know.”

Again, silence. T didn’t know what to say – but he didn’t want to end the conversation with H because he didn’t know if it would be their last. 

“How about we take a little breather, ok? The Interview Magazine day was really intense and I think it threw us back into Skam-mode. I still want you in my life, Tar – but I think we need a break to settle back into real life.”

T snorted, “Again with the ‘real life’ crap. What is that, anyway? But, whatever, you’re probably right. We just got swept up in the moment.” T mumbled, “We can still be buds. Don’t worry.”

T could hear H breathe a sigh of relief. “Yeah. Let’s just give it a few weeks, ok?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Ok. Anyway, I should get going.”

“Ok. Bye, Henrik.”

“Bye, Tar.”

T clicked off his phone and dropped it onto his bed. He smacked his forehead in frustration. Why did this have to be so difficult? 

The thing was, if he was being honest with himself, T knew that no amount of time, no forced “break,” would make his feelings for H go away. 

But that is what they would need to do. And although T was sad, he no longer felt heartbroken like he did before because, finally, be believed that the feelings he had for H were reciprocated. 

If for no other reason, that validation helped T to fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei takes a chance

In the days that followed their phone call – when H had told him that they needed a “break” - T fought to steel his aching heart. And, luckily, because he was so busy between school, the revue, Grease, and trying to spend at least a bit of time with his friends and family – T could manage most days without dwelling on the fact that, as quickly as he reintegrated himself back into T’s life, H had once again disappeared. 

T tried hard not to let his sadness show, and he must have done a pretty good job of it, because no one questioned him about H – not even David. Either that, or it was so obvious how T was feeling that his friends spared him the pitying looks and the “I told you so’s” by ignoring T’s melancholy altogether.

Things only got bad when T was alone in his room at night. When he was no longer distracted by the hustle-bustle of daily life. It was then that T allowed himself to sulk, and do a bit of online “stalking” on Insta. 

T was surprised to see that neither Siv nor Lea posted anything about the Interview Magazine photoshoot. It was unlike either of them to not comment on it at all. (Siv, by posting a photo and saying how proud she was of her “sons,” and Lea by posting a photo of her and H making out – ostensibly to stake her claim over her man.)

T wondered if H had anything to do with quietness and restraint of his two main ladies. 

Maybe H told his mom not to post anything because he didn’t want to upset Lea, again, or give T hope, again? 

Maybe Lea didn’t feel the need to post anything because she already had H, and felt secure enough in their relationship that she didn’t need to prove it to anyone. (As she had after he and H kissed at Gullruten.) 

(T also – treacherously – wondered if Lea’s silence was because she and H had broken up. However, he quickly shut those thoughts down. No need to get his hopes up – especially at the expense of other people’s happiness.)

*****

As each day passed, however, T became more desperate to talk to H. He wanted to ask H about the Skam panel that he and Carl were on. He wanted to share with H the praise and accolades T got from his family, friends, teachers, and agents for their photoshoot and interview. He wanted to bitch and moan about his crazy long days – and about how everyone around him seemed to want a piece of him. (He especially wanted to yell at H for riding a motorcycle without a helmet! T couldn’t believe the video someone posted of H on a Ducati without a helmet. Did he think that bandana would keep his brains inside his head if he got into an accident? Someone had to tell him that it was fucking dangerous! What was he thinking?) 

The truth was, T's life felt like nothing to him if he couldn’t share it with H. T felt a bit pathetic admitting that to himself. After all, to the rest of the world, he presented himself as an independent “self-made man”. Even at only 16, T did everything on his own – without his family. He did not have a “momager” like H did. 

But H was different than family. He was different than a “friend”. T didn’t know how to explain his and H’s relationship. What T did know is that he did not feel complete without it.

*****

T lasted all of five days before he caved and called H. 

H picked up on the second ring.

“Tar?”

“Hi, yeah. It’s me.”

“Are you ok?” H sounded concerned. T suddenly felt embarrassed for calling. H had told him, specifically, that he needed a “few weeks” break. It hadn’t even been a week. Was T really so needy? 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

“No, that’s ok. I mean I’m glad that you called.”

“Really? You’re not angry at me?” T asked, cautiously.

“Why would I be angry at you? You are so silly!”

“Because you said you needed a break from me. That’s why.”

“Tar! I can’t believe you think that! I don’t want a break from you. I just said that because – I don’t know – I thought that is what you needed.”

“You’re full of shit, Henrik. That is exactly what you said. That you thought we needed a break.”

H paused. “Well, I guess I change my mind then. I don’t want a break from you.”

“I don’t want a break either.” T sucked in a deep breath. “I miss you. Is that bad for me to admit? Does that make you feel weird?”

“No. I miss you, too. I didn’t realize how much until the last few days. You know what, Tar? I almost called you like 10 times.”

“You should have.”

“Yeah, I should have.”

Both T and H were quiet – and the silence became heavy. There were so many things that T wanted to talk about. So many things that he wanted to ask. He especially wanted to ask what was going on with Lea – but he knew that he wouldn’t want to hear the truth if they were doing well, so he kept to the “rules”.

Finally, he blurted out, “What the fuck was up with you riding a Ducati with no helmet? Do you have a death wish? What did your mom say about that? She probably was ready to kill you!”

H let out a surprised yelp and then laughed, “You know my mom too well, Tar. She was so pissed! She tried to ground me – but then I was like, ‘mom, I’m 22 years old. You can’t do that anymore.’” T giggled at the thought of gangly H hovering over Siv while she shook her finger at him. 

“But she’s right, Henrik. You could crack your head open, man! Promise me you’ll wear a helmet next time? For me?”

H sighed. “Ok. For you.”

T melted a little at that. 

“So, what are you up to?”

“Now? I’m just at home. In bed. I have a shit long day tomorrow so I should probably go to sleep.”

“NO!” H yelled “You can’t go to sleep. We just started talking! We have to talk all night – like the ‘good old days.’ We have to talk into one of us falls asleep. Ok?”

How could T say no? He could never say no to H – not even if he wanted to (and he never wanted to.)

“Ok.” T pulled the covers over him and settled in for a night of H’s velvety smooth voice in his ear. H started by telling him about the Skam panel, and about Cezinando’s new album (he even played T a few of his favorite tracks.) T told H silly stories about his Grease rehearsals, and the revue, and about his friends.

It was like old times, and T was so happy he could cry. 

At some point, hours later, as H was telling him one of his favorite childhood bedtime stories, T dropped off to sleep.

*****

Despite the fact that he had only slept a few hours, T woke up refreshed and with a sense of quiet peacefulness, which he hadn’t felt for months. Not since Skam ended. T didn’t even realize just how much he missed that feeling until he experienced it again. 

With a grin on his face, T texted H.

T: Good morning!

H: Good morning, sunshine! How’d you sleep?

T: Surprisingly good, though I had weird dreams. Something about us slaying dragons, but we were naked, and I was upset because I knew that I was late for a math test. And then when we finally got to Nissen, I forgot my locker combination, and I forgot where my class was, and I kept asking people, but they looked right through me like I was a ghost. And you kept saying “It’s ok, Tar. I see you. I see you. I see you.” It was so fucking weird

H: Woah. That’s fucking deep! What do you think it means? My mom always says that we are everything in our dreams. So, you are the dragon. You are the locker. You are the math test. You are me 

T: Ok, that’s even weirder than my dream!

H: Ha! Kind of interesting to think about though, right?

T: Yeah. Anyway, I have to get ready for school 

(T braced himself before he asked the next question.)

T: Are you busy later? Can we get together? 

H: Oh. I kind of have plans later. What about tomorrow?

(T didn’t ask what his plans were. He didn’t really want to know.)

T: Yeah. Tomorrow is good

H: Ok! Come over to my place. We can order in or something

(T was both thrilled and terrified by the prospect of hanging out with H – in his home.) 

T: Are you sure that’s ok? No one will mind? 

H: No! Of course not. I just prefer hanging out at home – or in friends’ homes. I can’t really go anywhere these days without being noticed. And the two of us together? Forget about it. Plus, I don’t want to share you ;-)

T: Really, Henrik? A winky face? 

H: Too soon? Ok. I get it…

T: I’m totally gonna be late for school. I don’t want to mess up my 10%

H: Ha! You think you’re pretty cute, don’t you?

T: You know it! ;-)

H: See you tomorrow? 19:00? My place? Pizza and beer?

T: Yes, yes, yes and yes

H: Cool. Looking forward to it!

T: Me too.

H: (This is me NOT sending you a <3)

T: (This is me NOT sending you one back… <3)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarjei and Henrik ponder "What now?"

In hindsight, T thought it was probably good that he had a night to himself. He needed to think. 

The past month and a half – since H came back into his life – had been an emotional rollercoaster. One day he could be riding high on H’s warmth and attention, and the next day he could be plunged back into despair when H pulled away from him - like when he told T that they needed a “break.”

But, looking back, what T realized was that so much of what he felt was in reaction to how H acted towards him. Whether T felt secure in H’s affections or hopelessly rejected – was solely based on H’s conduct. 

(T thought back to the Skam finale party when H brushed him off and then avoided him for months. And, later, when H contacted him again and started to act “normal”, only to then push T away when H believed that things between them were getting too “intense”.)

This revelation - that he allowed H dictate their relationship - both embarrassed T and made him a bit angry, both at H and at himself. 

T had so many questions in his mind. Why did let H have so much power over him and his happiness? Why was H so “hot and cold” with him? What did H want from him? 

But the biggest question – and really the only one that he, himself, could answer - was; what did HE want from H? T felt so wrapped up in the drama of the ups and downs that he never stopped to ponder that question. 

What did he want? What did he want? What did he want? T meditated and contemplated and ruminated and, finally, after what felt like hours of soul searching (as the night dragged on in quiet darkness), it came to him.

T wanted his friend back. The friend that he had while they were filming Skam; the friend who he could talk with for hours about everything and anything or nothing at all, and could share his deepest fears and his loftiest dreams. He wanted the friend who he could cuddle, and hug, and hold hands with (and, yes, sometimes even kiss) and it was ok. (Actually, it was more than ok. It was amazing.) 

He wanted H – his best friend and “partner in crime” – who made each day an adventure, and who brought out the best in T. 

What he did NOT want was the awkwardness, the hesitation, the unfulfilled expectations. And, especially, he did not want those ridiculous “rules” that he had created for him and H, which were supposed to help them rebuild their friendship – but only made them feel that they were constantly doing something wrong – or even deceitful - when they expressed their normal and natural feelings for each other. 

But, although T finally started to understand what he wanted (and he was pleased to know that it was what he actually had with H all along), what he then wondered was, what went wrong? When did T lose H? And, why? 

T thought that maybe it was because of Lea – but, truthfully, H was with Lea while they were filming Season 4 and it didn’t seem to affect their friendship. 

The only thing that made sense was that, at the point when he and H were at a crossroads back in June – when Skam ended – neither of them thought to discuss, “what now?” The never talked about how to transition their friendship into real life. 

Instead, they tried to separate from each other – each of them resigning themselves to the notion that their “relationship” was just a product of the environment; the time, and the place, and the intensity of the experience.

But it wasn’t. T realized that now. His love for H (yes, love) was NOT an act or role that he played. 

H was his friend – his best friend – and T wanted him back. For good. 

He needed to tell him. 

T knew that there might be some intense (tense) moments when he tried to communicate his feelings to H – and he knew that he needed to prepare himself for the possibility that H could tell him that he was not interested having the kind of friendship that T wanted. But T also knew that he had to be true to himself. He couldn’t move forward any other way. And if that meant that he had to say goodbye to H forever – then so be it. 

*****

Walking up the stairs to H’s flat felt like coming home after the war. Each step made T feel more nervous. He didn’t know what to expect from H. But T fought against his fears. He knew that he had to be strong in his resolve and express what was in his heart – even at the expense that he would be leaving the building with H no longer in his life.

When H opened the front door, T couldn’t help but smile. H was dressed head to toe in grey sweats, and he looked so cozy and adorable that T melted. He also immediately regretted the jeans that he was wearing. 

“You can’t have a pizza, beer and movie night in skinny jeans, Tar! Here, lemme get you some sweatpants.” H grabbed T’s hand and pulled him down the hall to his bedroom.

“You actually just read my mind. Impressive.” T giggled.

After changing into black sweatpants, T went into the living room, where H has already set out the pizza box and some beers. 

“This looks awesome!”

“I hope you’re hungry, I got us an extra large.” 

“I am!”

T sat down on the couch, cross-legged, facing H. H served them the pizza, and they chatted while devouring the entire pie (five slices each!) and washing it down with two beers each. When they were done, neither could move and H joked that he felt like he was 6-months pregnant. 

T and H fell into a peaceful silence. Both content. After a few minutes, H asked if T wanted to watch a movie. 

“Can we talk, actually?” T gulped out. He didn’t want to ruin the mood – but he also knew that if he didn’t open up the dialog with H then, he probably never would. 

“Yeah. Of course. What do you want to talk about, Tar?” H looked at him expectantly and leaned back on the armrest of the couch, as if he were settling in for an extended conversation. Maybe he was even expecting this?

“Um. Well. I guess I want to talk about us.” T mumbled. “Shit, I don’t mean to make it sound so dramatic. What I mean is – you know – our friendship has had a lot of ups and down over the past months, and I guess I want to know why. And, also, I feel like maybe we need to talk about what we are to each other – what we expect from each other. I just feel like we have never really talked about ‘us’ – and the lack of communication has caused a lot of misunderstandings and, well, sadness – at least for me.” 

T didn’t realize that he was looking down at his lap until H reached over and gently nudged his chin. When T looked up, H was gazing at him warmly. T immediately exhaled a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding.

“I think that is a great idea, Tar. To be honest with you, I have been feeling like we need to talk, too. For a long time now. I mean, we should have talked back in June.”

“Yeah. I know. Why didn’t we? Why did you push me away?”

H paused – apparently to collect his thoughts. “I think I was scared. Of what I was feeling. Of hurting you. I didn’t know how to transition from Even and Isak into Henrik and Tarjei. And, also, I had Lea – who had been patient while we were filming, but who clearly was happy to have me all to herself.” H took a deep breath. “But I regretted my decision to back away from you immediately – I hope you know that. I felt like I had lost a part of myself – and even when I was with my family and my friends and with Lea, I always felt this weird sense of loss that I didn’t know how to define. It was only when you came back into my life that I realized that the loss was you. It was you that I was missing.”

“I didn’t need months to realize I missed you, Henrik. It fucking sucked for me from day one. I don’t want to make you feel bad, but you broke my heart. I know that sounds dramatic, but that is really how I felt. I gave so much of myself to you, and when you brushed me off like I didn’t even matter – like I was just some co-worker that you could move on from without a second thought – it was so bad! I was devastated. Poor David and Marlon. They had to deal with my shit for months.”

“I’m so sorry, Tar. Please know that I never wanted to hurt you. I was just stupid and confused.”

“Yeah. I know. And I know that you have tried to make it up to me over the past month and a half – but I kind of feel like we are still spinning our wheels because we have never really talked about what we are to each other. And – as you know – that has caused some problems.” H nodded his head. “So, I guess what I want to know is, Henrik, what are we?” 

“What do you want us to be?” H retorted – and T was both annoyed and relieved that he pushed the question back on him. (Annoyed because his default behavior made him want H to define their relationship for him. Relieved because he had spent so many hours thinking about this very question, and he wanted to share his feelings.)

“I guess, if I had to define it, I would say I want us to be what we were before – back when we were filming. I want to be best friends – friends who share things with each other, who can count on each other. I also want to be friends who can cuddle with each other and not have it be weird. I don’t want ‘rules.’ I don’t want secrets. I don’t want to have to second guess your feelings for me, or my feelings for you. Does that make sense?”

“It does make sense – but I don’t agree that is what we had before. I think before there was a big part of each of us that was playing a ‘role,’ and we could hide behind it. While we were in the Skam ‘bubble’ we didn’t have to think about the repercussions of our actions, you know? Now that we are in real life, it may not be that easy.” T could read between the lines – H was talking about his relationship with Lea. 

“Yeah, but Henrik, don’t you feel like we are letting the world define us and our friendship? For someone who is supposed to be such a ‘free spirt,’ doesn’t it piss you off that you feel we need to hold back on expressing our affection for each other? What are you afraid of? That people will think we are together? That we are gay? Well fuck them, I say!” 

“Yeah, fuck them.” H chuckled, but there was no real joy in it.

“What, Henrik? What are you thinking?”

“Honestly, I am thinking that I need to stop being so scared.” 

“Henrik Holm, mister charming, suave, debonair and devastatingly handsome, scared? I don’t believe it.” 

“I am, Tarjei. I am super scared. I am 22 years old and I don’t know what I am doing with my life. Should I pursue acting? Modeling? Should I go to university? Should I go to the States? There are so many things that I don’t know, that I can barely sleep at night.” H paused. “But there are some things that I do know – and one of them is that I do not want to lose you. You are a true friend – and those are not easy to come by. I know that now.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, Henrik. But what are we supposed to do?”

“We are supposed to not give up. You know, I feel like most people think that a friendship is some stagnant thing. When you are a friend, you are a friend – end of story. But that’s not true. It’s like any other relationship. Parents and kids. Boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses. Even business relationships. They all take work. You know what I mean? And when you don’t work at it, that’s when things fall apart.”

“So how you we work on it?” 

“We are working on it right now! Don’t you see that? We are talking. We are sharing. We are trusting each other.” H seemed so pleased with himself that T couldn’t help but smile.

“I actually read something someplace – I can’t remember where – but it stuck with me. It talked about the ‘Three Pillars of a Healthy Relationship.’ I know it sounds kind of cheezy and self-helpy – but hear me out. The ‘Three Pillars’ were COMMUNICATION, MUTUAL RESPECT, and TRUST.” H held up his fingers as he listed them. “It said that without each of those things, all relationships are doomed – or are, at the very least, not living up to their potential.”

“That sounds pretty simplistic, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know. It seems pretty compelling to me. I mean, think about it. Think about us. I think we have mutual respect – but up until now, we were not really communicating – at least not about what we needed to – and that almost caused the end of our friendship. And trust? Trust is huge in almost every relationship – even when you are buying a car for God’s sake! Trust is one of those things that easy to lose and hard to regain. Trust me, I know.” Again, T felt that H was alluding to Lea – but he didn’t ask.

“Deep.” T chucked.

“Isn’t it? It makes sense though. And it gives me hope. It makes me feel like relationships don’t have to be some amorphous mystery. You know, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and all that crap. We are all just people, you know? Just trying to make connections with others, and do our best to not hurt anyone along the way.”

“Huh. Yeah. I see what you mean.” 

“Food for thought, yeah?”

“For sure.”

H and T were quiet again for a few minutes. It was a peaceful silence – each of them caught up in their own thoughts. 

“So, about that movie?” H cautiously suggested.

“Yeah. Let’s watch a movie. I think that is enough ‘communicating’ for tonight – right?” T made air quotes.

“I think it’s enough” H winked.

“Can we watch something mindless and fun?”

“How about Mean Girls?”

“Perfect!”

H got up and put on the movie. He grabbed a blanket and sat back down on the couch - this time next to T – and spread the blanket over them. 

“Is this ok?” H asked.

“Yeah. It’s great.”

H put his arm around T’s shoulder, and they snuggled together to watch the movie – both of them smiling softly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first decided to write this fic, I had a goal in mind. As lofty as it may sound, I wanted to be able to show the formation of a healthy relationship, and offer my outlook on what it takes to maintain said healthy relationship. 
> 
> If you have read this fic from the beginning, you know that, in addition to being the mother of teenage daughters, a wife, sister, daughter, and friend, I am also a family law attorney. This reality has given me a set of life experiences that are  
> probably somewhat different from a lot of Skam fic writers and readers. It also gives me a different perspective.
> 
> This chapter is what I was leading up to. I wanted T and H to have a conversation about their friendship. I wanted them to feel comfortable with not having to "define" what they are, or limit or censor themselves just because of what the world around them thinks is appropriate behavior between friends. 
> 
> Oh, and the "Three Pillars" thing - that is all mine. I actually really believe in it, and I share it with friends, family, clients - basically anyone who will listen. ;-) 
> 
> As I mentioned, this is probably the last chapter of this fic. I have said what I wanted to say. (If something major happens with Henjei I might do an epilogue or something. We'll see!)
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed my little fic!
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik ponders "What now?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!
> 
> I guess I can't give this little fic up so easily. 
> 
> Today I got the idea to do a chapter from Henrik's POV - so here it is! I hope you like it.
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam

The last dinner service of the night had just ended and H was sitting with his feet up in the back office of Ett Bord. He was still wearing the chef’s jacket and apron that his mom had given him after he asked to do an apprenticeship with the restaurant’s chef (who is also one of his good friends.)

It was something to do “between jobs,” and kept him busy during the day when his friends were either working or – in the case of Lea and T – at school. Also, it was good publicity for the restaurant. His presence there would ensure a steady stream of customers from all over the world.

H was scrolling through Instagram and Tumblr when he noticed a series of photos of T with his friend Jakob. In the photos, the two looked quite “chummy”, and H felt a strange pinch in his chest. One was of T in black-rimmed glasses (he looked so adorable!) – and he was making some sort of seductive “fuck me” face at Jakob. Another was from the same day and, in that one, T was peering out from behind Jakob’s shoulder. It looked like T was pressed against Jakob’s back. It reminded H of some of the pictures of him and T from their photo shoot – from moments between them that had felt so intimate. 

H grimaced at the thought of T being intimate like that with someone else - someone besides him. 

H then stalked T’s friends' Instas and saw more photos of T and Jakob; one that especially caught his eye was of them with their tongues sticking out, about to touch.

H felt nauseated, and was struck with a pang of something that he didn’t quite understand. Was it jealousy? No. It couldn’t be. H didn’t have a right to be jealous. After all, HE was the one with the girlfriend. HE was the one who had pushed T away back in June because he was afraid that T wanted more than H was willing to give.

And yet… That pang. What was it? 

H knew he should be happy for T. Whether Jakob was just a “good friend” (like himself) or something more, T deserved to be loved. He deserved to have someone care for him. 

But, shit, that person should be HIM. HE was T’s best friend. T loved HIM. 

This was all too confusing and ridiculous. He and T were good now. They had “communicated.” They had “understandings”. (Though, actually, they had not talked since their pizza and beer night. They were both super busy, and hung in different social circles, so there was not much chance for their daily lives to overlap. Plus, he was with Lea most evenings and on the weekends, so he didn’t have the space or privacy to be able to call T, or even text him.)

Suddenly H understood what the “pang” was – he missed T. He missed his best friend. And H realized with a start that he and T were failing at the very thing he said they had to do to maintain their friendship; they had to work at it. They had to make it a priority. 

Going weeks without talking, without seeing each other, was the antithesis of making them a priority. And H was afraid that if he and T didn’t do something to reconnect – and soon – they would lose all that they had created together. And that, he thought, would be tragic. 

Before he could talk himself out of it (what if Lea found out?), H quickly called T – who picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?” T asked quizzically, as if he couldn’t believe that H was calling him. The hesitant tone in T’s voice pained H, who immediately wondered if T thought that H was avoiding him AGAIN, after weeks of “radio silence.”

“Hey! Hi Tar! How are you?” H tried to sound upbeat.

“I’m good. You?”

“Yeah. I’m good too.” H responded. “Hey, I was thinking, what are you up to?”

“Now? Not much. Just finishing homework. Why?”

“Well, I know it’s sort of late – and last minute – but can I come over?”

There was a short silence. “Um. Yeah. Sure.” T said hesitantly. “Is everything ok, Henrik? Is there something going on? I mean, of course, you are always welcome to come over – but this is kind of out of the blue. Nothing’s wrong, right?”

“No! Nothing is wrong! Does something have to be wrong for me to want to spend time with my best friend?” 

“Of course not.” T chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure – cuz’ it’s kind of unexpected. That’s all.”

“Tar, I just miss you, ok?”

“Yeah. Ok. Come over. Just text me from downstairs and I’ll open the door for you.”

“Ok. See you soon!”

*****

H drove over to T’s – more quickly than he should have. Once he admitted to himself how much he missed T, H couldn’t get to him fast enough. 

When he was outside of T’s house, H pulled out his phone to text him. It was then that H noticed several texts from Lea, asking him where he was, and what he was doing, and if he was going to come to hers. 

H groaned. He didn’t want to lie to Lea – but nor did he want to upset her, or worry her unnecessarily. (Despite his insistence that he and T were just friends, Lea was still jealous of their relationship. It was frustrating – but H didn’t know what else he could do besides trying to reassure her over and over again.)

As he forced down the feelings of guilt that started to well up, H texted Lea back that he was tired from his day at Ett Bord, and he was going to crash, and would call her in the morning. (It wasn’t entirely untrue. He WAS tired, and he DID want to crash – he just didn’t tell her that it was with T, and not at his own home.)

Shaking off the shame that threatened to kill his good mood, H texted T, “I’m here!”

Moments later, through the front window, H saw T bouncing down the stairs. He had a wide grin on his face that made H giggle, despite himself. 

“Hey!” T gasped as he flung open the front door. “I’m happy to see you!”

“Me too!” H laughed, and opened his arms for T, who fell into them. 

They stood there hugging – and giggling like idiots – for longer than some might believe to be “appropriate” – but H didn’t care. It always amazed H how light and joyous T made him feel… And it was weird – almost like amnesia – how he’d forget this glorious feeling altogether when he didn’t (couldn’t?) have it. 

“So… To what do I owe this pleasure?” T asked, when they finally pulled away from each other. 

“What? Do I need an excuse to visit you? Aren’t we friends? Best friends?”

“Yes. Of course. And no, you never need an excuse. But it’s just that I haven’t heard from you for a few weeks – so I was starting to wonder…”

“Please, Tar, do me a favor, ok? Don’t ever doubt our friendship.” H pleaded. “It kills me to hear you say that.”

“Geez, Henrik. Don’t be so dramatic.” T winked and lightly punched his shoulder. “It’s ok. I know you’ve been busy.” T turned around and started walking up the stairs. H followed behind him. “Anyway, I heard that you and Lea are the hot new DJs in town. Is that true?” 

H groaned. He didn’t like when his “real life” invaded the “bubble” that he and T had created for themselves. “How’d you hear about that?”

“Ha! Like I’d tell you. I have my sources though.” T turned and winked – again!

T put his finger to his lips to shush H as the entered his family’s home. The two of them toed off their shoes and padded down the hall to T’s room. 

Once the door was closed (and locked), T exhaled. 

“Why are you so nervous, Tar? Do you think your parents will care? They know me. I’ve been here a million times.” H asked. 

Suddenly the mirth was gone from T’s eyes. 

“Um. It’s just that I haven’t really told my family that we are friends again.” T looked embarrassed.

“Really? Why not?” 

T cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. “Well, you know that I went through a hard time after Skam ended… after we stopped being friends – or whatever. My parents were really there for me. I’d keep it together during the day – in public, at school – but when I came home, I was a mess. I don’t think they had ever seen me cry that much.” T looked up. His eyes were glassy. “Anyway, I haven’t told them that we are friends again because I am afraid that they’re going to react badly. That they’ll worry about me. Or that they’ll try to convince me not to get involved with you again.” 

H felt like he had been punched in the stomach. T’s family had loved him – had treated him like another son (much in the same way as his mom treated T). To think that they didn’t like him – or, worse, that they thought he would hurt their son – made him feel terrible. 

“Shit. Tar. I am so sorry. I didn’t even think about that. I feel like such a fuck-up.” 

“Hey. It’s ok.” T reached out and grabbed H's arm. “Don’t worry. They’ll get over it. Ok? Once they see what good friends we are – and how happy you make me – they’ll forgive you. I promise.” T smiled and squeezed his arm. H just sighed and shook his head in defeat. 

“Really. Stop beating yourself up, Henrik – or I’ll do it for you.” T huffed. H looked at T with a small smile. H wondered how he got so lucky that T had welcomed him back into his life. He’d be damned if he allowed himself to fuck up with T again. 

“So, do you want to watch a movie?” T suggested. “I’m in the mood for something epic. Like Shawshank Redemption. Do you have the energy?”

“Sure!” H replied enthusiastically – though he really didn’t. (If he fell asleep, it wouldn’t be the first time.) 

T turned on his TV (he had a sweet flat-screen that he mounted to the wall across from his bed. It was one of the first big purchases he made with his Skam income) and then jumped into bed. H was still standing by the front door – looking a bit hesitant. 

“Geez Henrik. Come here. I won’t bite.” T fluffed the pillows next to him. H climbed into T’s bed and settled in - feeling simultaneously freaked out and deliriously happy. 

H wasn’t sure if he should keep his distance, but T squelched that thought by cuddling up to H and nuzzling his (still) fuzzy head into H’s neck. T let out a satisfied sigh, and H couldn’t help by smile.

Over the next hour, as the movie played, H let his mind wander. (He had seen Shawshank Redemption about a dozen times.) He thought again about the photos of T and Jakob. 

“So what’s going on with you and Jakob?” H blurted out. T jolted in surprise. (H didn’t mean for it to come out so abruptly, or forcefully.)

“Huh? What the fuck, Henrik? What are you talking about?” 

H shifted so he was facing T. “I saw those photos of you two, and I was wondering if you are dating or something.” H shrugged. “You’d make a good-looking couple, anyway.”

“Am I dreaming?” T asked aloud, to no one in particular. “Why are you asking me that, Henrik?”

“I’m just wondering. Are you? Why is it so weird for me to ask? I mean we are friends, right? Don’t friends share that sort of information? Shouldn’t I know what kind of competition I have for your attention?” H smirked. 

“Whoa. That's a whole lot of questions. First, Jakob and I are friends, you know that. We’ve been friends forever. Second, what is going on with you? If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you sounded jealous? Sadly, Henrik, you have nothing to be jealous of. You’ve got no competition… Not that I can say the same for me, you know….” T’s voice trailed off. 

H felt like shit. Here he was interrogating T like a jealous boyfriend – when HE was the one with the girlfriend. Why did he keep doing this? What did he keep hurting T – the very person that he wanted so badly to make happy?

“God. What the fuck is wrong with me? Can you just forget that I asked that, Tarjei? I don’t know why I did.”

“Yeah. It’s ok.” T mumbled. “Do you want to finish the movie? Or do you want to leave? I know you’re probably super tired. You don’t have to keep me company.”

“No. I want to finish the movie.” H responded firmly. 

“Ok.” T turned towards the TV and settled back on his pillows – this time with about a foot of space between him and H. H didn’t like it – so he shimmied over to T and threw his arm around T’s shoulder. H could feel T stiffen, but he tried to ignore it – desperate to return to the warm, cuddly feelings between them just minutes before (before he had opened his big mouth.)

Over the next half hour, H could feel T’s body soften under his arm. And soon enough, he felt T’s warm breath on his neck as he snored gently. H smiled to himself – his heart fluttering with peace and gratitude. 

Slowly and carefully – so as not to wake T – H reached across him to grab the remote and turn off the TV. He then wriggled down the bed, so that his head was on the pillow. T roused just enough to scoot down with him – his head resting heavily on H’s chest. 

As he drifted off to sleep, H realized that he would probably have some explaining to do in the morning, but for now - for tonight - he would just enjoy the moment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T and H ponder the limits of their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired! Don't know why - but I hope you enjoy this little piece of Henjei fluff!

When T’s phone rang at 21:00 on a random Thursday evening, he was surprised (but not) to see it was H.

*****

Although it had been weeks since they last spoke, T was starting to see a pattern forming in their friendship in that H would disappear for weeks and then reappear, seemingly out-of-the-blue. And while T was not exactly happy with it – he was learning to accept it.

T recalled when H had spent the night a few weeks earlier. After some initial “clearing of the air”, the rest of the night had been blissful. T slept like a baby in H’s arms. It wasn’t sexual, or even sensual, but T remembered feeling warm through-and-through and, well, loved.

But then H left abruptly early the next morning – with a quick hug and kiss on the forehead. No promises from H, and no expectations from T.

Since then there had been radio silence.

T worked hard to keep himself from feeling rejected. He knew he needed to trust H, and himself, to make their friendship work – even if it was a rather unorthodox one.

*****

“Hey, Henrik.” T answered on the third ring.

“Hey yourself.” H chuckled. “What are you doing? Can I come over?”

So, this is how it’s going to go? T pondered. He also wondered what had happened in the preceding few days that had led to this phone call, and this last-minute request to come over.

T knew it had to be something. It seemed as though it always was. Every time H reached out to him, something had provoked it. Last time it was some ridiculous photos of him and his buddy Jakob. What was it this time? T tried to think. There was that silly kiss he gave Vegard Harm (when he was, quite frankly, completely wasted.) There was also the photo that David posted yesterday of him in bed with Jakob over the summer.

T thought it was hilarious that H admitted during a Q & A at the Warsaw ComicCom that his friends called him an “emotional wreck.” It really was true. More than anyone T had ever known, H wore his heart on his sleeve. That made it both wonderful and infuriating to be around him, and be part of his life.

T knew, from experience, that H gave his all to every person who entered his orbit. T had scanned through the – literally - hundreds of photos that H took with fans at the ComicCon, and in each and every one, H exuded warmth and affection. T was amazed by H’s ability to make people feel so special – but that was the essence of H, a pure and loving soul.

The infuriating part was that H could drag people along on his emotional rollercoaster – and he certainly did that with T. T felt powerless to resist H, even though he knew that H could act impulsively. (Oh, how life imitated art! Though T realized that Julie DID base the Skam characters on the actors who played them.)

T didn’t believe that there was anything malevolent about the fact that H kept disappearing and reappearing from his life – he just felt that, for H, when people in his life were “out of sight,” they were also “out of mind.” Although it was a bit painful for T to realize that, he also figured it was some sort of self-preservation on the part of H, who only had so much of himself to give to others. How this reality would affect their friendship in the long run, T really didn’t know. What he did know was that, if he chose to keep H in his life, he would have to be ok with accepting whatever H could give him.

*****

The doorbell rang a few minutes later and, this time, T just buzzed H in (he had finally told his family that he was friends with H again).

H bounded up the stairs and pulled T into an all-encompassing hug – as if they had not seen each other in years.

T laughed at H’s dramatics. “Dude! My God! I can’t breathe!”

“It’s been so long! I mean, I have been to Poland and back since I last saw you!”

T pulled away and led H into his bedroom and they plopped themselves down on T’s bed. “Yeah, how was that? It looked like you had fun. I would have fucking hated it though. Having to hug all those people?”

“Oh My God! Totally! That would have been hysterical!” H grabbed T’s knee. “I could see all these teenaged girls fawning all over you, clawing at each other to get to you, and then you grimacing and giving them awkward one-armed pats on the back!” H laughed heartily at the mental pictures. T did, too. “Yeah, you would have hated it, Tar. I guess that’s what makes us a good pair, right? Opposites attract.”

“Yeah, I guess so…”

Why did H always have to throw in these off-the-cuff comments that made things so heavy? T looked down at his lap and played with the string at the rip in his jeans.   
H cleared his throat, “So, um, what have you been up to? I know I missed David’s birthday celebration. I felt so bad about that. I saw the pictures though, it looked like it was a blast”

“Yeah, but I got so fucking wasted!”

“Oh, is that why you kissed Vegard? You know he’s obsessed with you, right?”

Ah Ha! That is why H called him. He was doing that weird jealous thing again!

“Really? This again, Henrik? Why do you care?”

“I don’t know.” H looked pensive for a few seconds. “I guess I like knowing that I am the only guy that you kiss.”

What?!? T was truly flummoxed.

“Um…kiss, or kissed?” T questioned.

H smirked and winked. “Does it matter?”

“I don’t know, does it?”

The two of them just sat there staring at each other – the questions hanging heavily between them.

“I wanna ask you something, Tar, and you need to be completely honest with me, ok?”

“Yeah. Ok.”

“Would it totally mess things up between us if I kissed you?”

T started at H, wide-eyed.

“Because I miss kissing you… But I don’t want either of us to maybe, I don’t know, get the idea that we are a ‘together’ or something.” H made air quotes and suddenly looked incredibly sheepish.

“Um… Uh…” T knew he was stalling.

“I mean it wouldn’t have to CHANGE anything, you know? We can just add that to our friendship – or, should I say, add it BACK into our friendship. I mean we used to kiss before, and it was ok, you know?”

“Yeah, but then we did it for the show, or as a spoof, right?” T was still trying to wrap his mind around what H was suggesting. He wasn’t, if he was being honest with himself, absolutely opposed to the idea. He missed kissing H, too. He was just afraid of the feelings that kissing H could reignite in him. He had worked so hard to be ok with being H’s friend, and even being able to cuddle with him without having it “mean” anything – he did not want to jeopardize it.

“A spoof? I never felt kissing you was a joke, Tar. Is that how you felt?” Was H actually hurt?

“No! Of course not. If it were up to me I would have kissed you all the time. I just figured that it was nothing to you. I mean, you had – have – a girlfriend.”

H sighed. “Tarjei, can we please not bring her into this? Our friendship has nothing to do with her. And it predates her, anyway.” T could tell that H was getting flustered. “Did I make a mistake even bringing up us kissing? What is wrong with me? I keep doing this. Why can’t I just leave well-enough alone?”

“It’s ok, Henrik. Really. I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t miss kissing you, too. And that I don’t think about it… a lot, actually.” Now it was T’s turn to look sheepish. “I haven’t kissed anyone since you – not counting Petter and Vegard, of course.” T chuckled.

“Really?” H looked momentarily quite pleased – but then caught himself. “Why? It’s not because of me, is it?”

“I mean, maybe a bit at first. I told you that I was really broken up after Skam ended. But recently, no. I think I have just been too busy to focus on meeting someone. And I don’t want someone who just wants to be with me because I am Isak, you know?”

“Well, I can tell you that I want to kiss my friend Tarjei, not Even’s boyfriend Isak. Does that make a difference?” H smiled fondly.

T could feel the blush creeping up his neck and into his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess so…”

“So, can I?”

“Yes. You can.”

The smile that spread across H’s face was enough to make T realize that he had made the right decision.

H and T were facing each other, cross-legged on T’s bed. H uncrossed his legs and reached over and uncrossed T’s. He then scooted towards T and wrapped them around him. Tentatively, he placed his hands on either side of T’s face and pull him closer until their lips were – finally – touching.

To his extreme embarrassment, T let out a small sigh. He missed this.

H giggled and started pecking T’s lips with short, chaste kisses over and over.

“Oh. My. God. Henrik” he said between kisses. “You. Are. Ridiculous!”

“Ridiculously happy, that is.” H laughed. “Oooh! I missed you!” He threw his arms around T and hugged him, burying his nose in T’s neck and kissing his collarbone.

T pulled back, and when H looked up at him questioningly, T dove back in, lips first. This kiss was different from the silly pecks. This was a real kiss – one with feeling, and, oh, T did feel it. Warmth spread across his chest and back. He was giddy. He wanted to sing – sing praises to H’s lips and tongue, and to his hands, which were rubbing up and down his back, and through his hair, and massaging his neck.

While they were kissing, time stood still. It could have been a minute, an hour – T really didn’t know. Finally, it was H who eventually pulled back.

“Phew!” H chuckled. “That was fun.”

“Yeah. It was…”

T started to feel the very beginnings of panic welling up in him – but before it truly developed – H chimed in, “So, you in the mood for a movie?”

“Yeah. Sure. What do you wanna watch?”

“I don’t care. Hey, it’s December 1st. How about Home Alone? We can start getting into the holiday spirit.”

“That’s kind of random, but ok.”

T found the movie on-demand, and then he and H crawled under the blanket and snuggled up together while poor Kevin McCallister got left behind by his parents.

An hour later, while Kevin battled to protect his home from intruders, T and H slept soundly – clinging to each other like overgrown koala bears.


	13. Chapter 13

It was Christmas Eve and T was feeling a bit sentimental. 

He had not spoken with H in weeks – not since the last time they saw each other and kissed. In fact, the only contact they had was some texting on the anniversary of “O Helga Natt.” H had posted behind-the-scenes photos, and then he and T reminisced a bit about filming, and about missing Skam in general.

Since then, T had been so super busy (between Grease rehearsals, the revue, and school exams) that he did not reach out to H again, and H – on his part – had been unusually quiet. 

T wondered if the lack of communication from H was due to their “make out session” at the beginning of the month. If so, that would be strange, considering that H was the one who initiated it. If anyone should feel weird, it should be T – but, actually, he was feeling ok about it. 

Sure, at first T was a little afraid that any residual “romantic” feelings he had for H would come storming back – but they didn’t. On the contrary, it felt comforting – a little bit of closure – to be able to kiss H and have it be just that; a kiss. 

Of course, now that H had, once again, gone radio silent - T became concerned that maybe it wasn’t just “a kiss” to H… And wouldn’t that just be irony of ironies! 

But it was Christmas. A time of family and friends and love and forgiveness. No matter what else became of them in the future, T had no doubt in his mind that H was his friend and that he cared deeply for him as such. 

He did not want the holiday to pass without him telling H how much his friendship has meant to him.

T didn’t know where H was. From Siv’s Insta, it appeared that she was visiting with family – but there were no photos of H. In fact, except for a holiday greeting on Siv’s Insta last week, H was almost completely invisible from social media. It was odd, for sure. 

T figured he’d try and call. Maybe H would answer, and, if not, he would at least leave him a message. He excused himself from his family and went to the bathroom to get some privacy.

H picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Tar! Merry Christmas!” H sounded cheery. Maybe a bit too cheery. Was he drinking?

“Hi Henrik. Merry Christmas to you, too. And your family. Please give your mom a hug from me.”

“I will.” 

And then there was silence.

“Um. So, anyway, how are you?”

“Me? Yeah, I’m ok. What about you? You’ve been so busy! I saw the video logs from the Grease rehearsals. Looks like fun!”

“It pretty intense. I think I might be in a bit over my head. There is all this singing and dancing. And everyone there is so professional. I feel like such a kid.”

“I’m sure that you’ll be great. I can’t wait to come and see you!”

“You’ll come?”

“What do you mean? Of course I’ll come. Can I tell you a secret? I actually already bought tickets for me and my mom. I’m giving them to her for Christmas.”

“Wow. That’s so cool. I’m flattered.” T could feel the color rising in his cheeks. He was suddenly glad that this was a phone call. “So, how are you, really? I mean I haven’t heard from you in awhile…”

“Eh. Things are kind of weird.”

“How so?”

“Well Lea and I are taking a break, and I guess I didn’t realize how much of my social life involved her.” 

“Oh. A break? Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I’m fine, I guess.”

“Ummmm.” T suddenly felt super awkward. What had happened? Was it because of him? “What happened, Henrik?”

“I think it was kind of a long time coming, actually.”

T steeled himself, “Did I have anything to do with it?”

“Not really… Well, maybe a bit.”

“Shit.”

“Don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault. Really.” 

“Ok…?”

“So after we saw each other a few weeks ago, I felt like I should tell Lea that we kissed – but that it didn’t have to change anything. Well, that didn’t go over very well.”

“She was pissed?”

“Yeah. She was pissed. We talked about it. She basically told me that I had to choose between the two of you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So? Is that why you didn’t call me?”

“No!” H was incredulous. “Of course not. I told her that I didn’t agree. I told her that I care about her – but that I wouldn’t give up my friendship with you for her.”

“Oh.”

“She said that she had to ‘think’ about stuff for a few days. After about a week she said she would try to understand and be ‘ok’ with us being friends. We hung out a few times after that, but it was pretty awkward.” (T actually saw a few videos on tumblr when H and Lea were at a café with friends. It did look super awkward. They were not sitting next to each other, and H was on his phone while Lea sat there looking rather unpleased.) “We had another talk last week and decided to take a ‘break’. I don’t know for how long, or if it’s for good. We’ll see.”

“Maybe I’m not the right person to be saying this – but I’m sorry, Henrik. Hey, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or….”

“Ha! I’m ok. Really.”

“Ok. Good. But seriously. Whenever, wherever, I will always be there for you. Ok?”

“Thank you, Tar. Same with me.”

“So… Christmas, huh?”

“Yeah. Christmas.”

T cleared his throat. “So, will I sound too dramatic if I tell you that I called to thank you for being my friend this past year?”

“Yeah. That’s pretty damn cheesy.” H laughed.

“Hey, be nice!”

“You asked me! You knew it was dramatic! But, don’t worry – you know I’m a big cheese-ball myself. And I appreciate you too, Tar. So much. Thank you for accepting me, and sticking with me. I know things have been a bit all-over-the-place between us – but I have faith in our friendship.”

T was grinning from ear to ear. “I do, too.”

After that, they chatted for a few more minutes – compared notes on how they were celebrating the holiday and made promises to see each other more in 2018.

When there was a lull in the conversation, T said that he should probably go and rejoin his family - that they’d wonder what he was doing for so long in the bathroom. H laughed at that and said that he thought that T might be in the bathroom because he sounded echo-y.

“So, have a good Christmas, Henrik. I love you, man.”

“I love you, too, Tar. Merry Christmas.”

T hung up, looked at his phone, and sighed. 

After a rollercoaster year – T finally felt at peace. No matter what happened, at that moment, T knew that he loved, and was loved – and that was the best gift he could ever hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya,
> 
> First of all, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate - and Happy Holidays to the rest of us...
> 
> After the last chapter, I got some comments that made me think about H's actions - and the fact that he could be seen as being somewhat of a "player." 
> 
> While I did not envision him this way, I also could see how he could be viewed as such - especially since he was not being honest with Lea about his friendship with T. (I had made it clear in earlier chapters that she was jealous of their friendship, so H spending time with T "behind her back" could be perceived as being pretty shitty.)
> 
> In the interest of upholding my "3 pillars of a healthy relationship" - communication, mutual respect, and trust - I decided that H had to tell Lea about his friendship with T, and then let her decide if she wanted to continue dating H, or not. 
> 
> Happy, healthy and PEACEFUL New Year to all you out there who are still reading this lil' fic!
> 
> Hugs to all,
> 
> MommaSkam


	14. Not A chapter - just a comment

Why do people feel the need to write such horrible comments on other’s works of fiction? 

I have been “spammed” several times now - and while the comments don’t bother me personally (I am a “grown ass woman” - or so I’ve been told - who has to deal with much worse in my work than some ridiculous self-important jerks who feel it’s their God-given right to ruin AO3 for everyone else), they are still not pleasant to read. 

I am always saddened when I see that a writer feels the need to quit AO3 because they are being harassed. This “creativity shaming” needs to stop. It is bullying - and it chills the free exchange of ideas. Lord knows we have enough of that going on around the world right now. Let’s please keep AO3 a SAFE space where people can express themselves and their ideas freely, without the threat of harassment!

All I can say is if you don’t like someone’s stories, don’t read them. And if you don’t have anything nice or constructive to say, don’t say anything at all. 

Happy, healthy and peaceful New Year!

Momma Skam


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That photo!
> 
> As soon as we saw it, my mom (who, by the way, is my biggest fan) said: "I can't wait to read the next chapter of your fic!"
> 
> Well, mom, I hope you like it... 
> 
> xoxo,
> 
> MommaSkam

T smiled as he gazed across the room at H. 

H had his phone out and was snapping photos of the crowd. When he noticed T looking at him, H flashed a huge grin and winked/blinked in T’s direction.

T did not underestimate the significance of the evening. It was the first time that he and H were together at a Skam related event since the final party in June. And that night, T had been heartbroken. Now he felt nothing but pure joy. 

****  
(Several days earlier)

The day after Christmas Julie had sent a message out to everyone inviting them to an impromptu Skam reunion/holiday party. 

T immediately replied that he’d attend. He then texted H and asked if he was going, as well. He didn’t know where H was – if he was even in Oslo. But H had texted back a “thumbs up” emoji. 

So, this was happening…

****

T arrived at Julie’s a few minutes before H. Marlon, Iman and Josephine were already there. Everyone yelled “Tarjei!” when he walked in. It felt like home.

T went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. T then went back to the living room and made a bee-line for Marlon. 

“Hey, buddy.” Marlon greeted him warmly – with a one-armed hug and a firm slap on the back. 

“What up?”

“It’s all good.”

“Hey, I saw those clown photos of you. You looked fucking scary! Like Pennywise from It!” 

Marlon laughed. “That was the point, bro!”

“Damn man. You gave me nightmares!” Marlon was cracking up now – clearly pleased with himself.

Suddenly everyone around them yelled “Henrik!” and T’s eyes shot over to the door where H was standing, surveying the room and looking radiant. 

Marlon elbowed T, and T looked over at him and shrugged.

H worked the room, hugging and high-fiving everyone, laughing and chatting. 

After what felt like way-too-long, H made his way over to Marlon and T.

“Marlon, my man! How’s it going?”

“Great Henke. Nice that you came…” 

H smiled at Marlon and then turned to T and pulled him in for a strong and lingering hug. T melted into it.

A few moments later, H pulled away, but only slightly.

“Hi.” H grinned at T.

“Hey.” T sighed back, a shy smile adorning his face. 

Suddenly H cocked his head to the side and gazed at the lower part of T’s face. “What’s up with this?” He asked as he rubbed his knuckles over the scruff at T’s jawline. 

“Oh, you mean my beard? What can I say, I’m a grown-ass man now.” T giggled.

“Grown-ass man, huh? It’s kind of sexy.” H huffed out, before biting his lower lip. H and T looked intensely at each other for a few seconds before Marlon cleared his throat – effectively breaking them out of whatever trance they were in.

“I’m gonna go get a beer. Either of you need a fresh one?”

“Nah, I’m ok.”

“Me too.”

H turned around and sauntered off.

As soon as H was out of earshot, Marlon blurted out, “What in the Sam Fuck was that?” T looked over at Marlon, whose eyes were as big as saucers.

“What?”

“What?!?!?! You looked like you were going to devour each other!”

“Nah, man. It’s not like that…” 

“Well you could’ve fooled me. What happened? And, like, when?”

“We’ve been working on our friendship for a few months now. Basically since that Interview Magazine photoshoot.”

“I mean, I knew about that. But I didn’t know things continued after…”

“I mean nothing has HAPPENED between us. We’ve talked a bunch. Figured shit out. It’s good.”

“Ummm. Ok. So have you hooked up?”

“Geez Marlon! What the hell?”

“I dunno? That moment just looked super intimate – and it wasn’t for the camera, you know?”

“Yeah. Well, ummmm, I guess we’ve had a few platonic sleep-overs and a platonic make-out session…”

With that, Marlon busted out laughing.

“You fucking minx, you!”

“It’s not funny, Marlon!” T whined.

Marlon slapped his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. “I know, buddy. I’m sorry… But, seriously, are you ok with this?” It was impressive how quickly Marlon shifted from levity to concern. 

“Yeah. I’m good. Really. We’ve talked a lot. We are being very open and honest with each other. It’s pretty great, actually.”

Of course, Marlon couldn’t help but mention the “elephant in the room”. 

“So, what’s the deal with Lea? Has he told her?” Marlon knew how jealous both she and T were of each other. He had suffered several (dozen) drunken rants from T.

“You’ll have to ask Henrik – but last he told me they were taking a ‘break’.” T made quotes around the last word.

“Hmmmm. Interesting. You know what happened? Was it because of you?”

“Sorta? But not really? She gave him an ultimatum…”

“Oh Shit! Quite the ‘telenovela’.” 

“Hey. That’s on them. I never made any demands. On the contrary…”

At that moment, Julie came over and asked to steal T away for a few minutes. And although he always loved spending time with Marlon, T was happy to get a break from the interrogation.

“I want to do some reunion photos of our Skam couples,” Julie told him as they walked out of the crowded room towards a quieter one. “I already did Noorhelm. It’s Evak’s turn now.” Julie turned her head and winked at him. 

T scoffed at that. It was common knowledge that Julie was the biggest Evak “shipper” out there – well, maybe after H’s mom. 

H was already in the room waiting. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Ok boys. Just get into your ‘Isak and Even’ heads and act natural.”

T and H gave each other knowing smiles. Was H thinking the same thing that T was? That he didn’t have to channel his Skam alter-ego to get into the “Evak” frame of mind?

They spent the next several minutes giggling while Julie directed them into different poses. 

“Done!” She called out. “You boys still got it!” She smirked and walked out of the room, leaving them behind.

They then had a few blissful minutes before anyone would notice they were missing.

“So… Did Marlon give you a hard time?” 

“Ha! You should have seen him when you walked away. His eyes were buggin’ out!” T snorted. “But he was cool. He just wanted to make sure that I am ok with everything. You know… after what happened in June.”

“What about me? He doesn’t care if I’m ok??” H feigned a hurt expression. 

“No offense, but you didn’t cry on his shoulder for like a month.”

“True, true.” H suddenly looked very solemn.

“Hey! Don’t pout! We’re not going there again. We’re good now!”

“I know. I just still feel a little guilty.”

“Well get over it, Henrik. I’m good. You’re good. We’re good. Ok?” 

“Yeah, ok.”

T pulled H into a hug. They stood that way for awhile, breathing each other in. It was T who pulled away this time.

“Let’s go back.”

“Ok.” H leaned in and kissed T’s forehead, his right cheek, his left cheek, and then three quick pecks on the lips. T grinned – a light blush dusting his cheeks. 

H grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the living room.

****

The remainder of the night was a blast. T can’t recall laughing that hard – or being that happy – since, well, the Gullruten weekend. Throughout the evening, he and H chatted and caught up with everyone. And although they were not together every 10 minutes or so they would find each other’s eyes and smile. It was if they had a private joke that only they shared. 

T and H were some of the last guest to leave – neither particularly wanting to end the night. But it was late, and T probably had a beer or two too many.

“Can I drive you home?”

“Can you drive?”

“Yeah. While you’ve been sucking down those beers tough-guy, I only had one.”

“Ok, sure. Thanks.”

****

H pulled into a parking spot in front of T’s home. 

“So can you stay over? I wouldn’t mind some platonic cuddles…” 

“Yeah? Sure. I’d be happy to.”

They made their way to T’s room, giggling and shushing each other as they went.

T scrounged his drawers for clean pajama bottoms and t-shirts for both of them and tossed a set to H.

Five minutes later – pj’s on, teeth brushed – they crawled under the duvet and snuggled up together as if it was the most natural thing in the world. 

And for them, in that moment, it was.


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey All!
> 
> Happy New Year!
> 
> So I saw the painting on Henrik's Instagram story and this mini-chapter came out of it. Let me know if you think I am totally off base with my theory... (In a NICE way, of course... Don't wanna tempt the trolls!)
> 
> Good news is that I figured out how to do a Pic Stich and embed a photo into a fic all by myself! (Didn't even need to ask for help from my tech-savvy daughters!)
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam

 

Sunday 23:59

 

H:         Happy New Year Tar!  MMWAHHHH <3

 

T:         Happy New Year Henrik! <3 <3

 

Tuesday 21:34

 

H:         Hey

 

T:         Hi

 

H:         How was your NYE? What did you do?

 

T:         I hung out with the boys. I got pretty wasted – but I don’t think I kissed any randos ;-)

            It was fun

            How about you?

 

H:         It was good. I was with friends.  Lea was there too.

            We hung out after.  It was good.

            I guess she doesn’t hate me ;-)

 

T:         Cool.  How could she hate you, Henrik? 

            I think would be impossible for anyone to hate you. 

 

H:         Thanks

 

T:         So, are you back together? 

 

H:         I dunno.  It’s complicated…..

 

T:         Yeah.  How so?

 

H:         I mean, we have a lot of friends in common, and our brothers are friends, and we have a public persona because of the modeling…

            So even if she wanted a clean break, it would be hard.

 

T:         Hmmm.  Well I hope whatever happens you’re both happy.

 

H:         Yeah. Thanks.

            So, did you see my Insta story?

 

T:         No… Why?  Should I?

 

H:         I posted a photo of a painting that reminded me of you.

 

T:         Huh? What?

 

H:         Yeah, I saw this painting and it made me think of the new photos of you in Dagbladet

 

T:         Really? How so?

 

H:         Hold on….

 

 

            Can you see the resemblance?

 

T:         What?!?!?!  Hahahahahahahaha

 

H:         YOU CAN’T SEE IT???  It’s totally your aesthetic.  The orange and blue smoke.  The color scheme.  You have to see it…

 

T:         Ok, yeah, I kind of see it. 

            Thank you?

            Haha

 

H:         Here I was being so EXTRA and all I get is a “Thank you?”

            Wow

            That hurts…

            ;-)

 

T:         No, I mean it’s super cool.  I love being compared to paint smudges and splatters…

 

H:         God, Tar!  Have a little creativity! 

 

T:         ;-)

            <3

 

H:         <3

            So when can we get together?  Are you busy this week?

 

T:         Yeah.  Actually things are going into overdrive now that we passed the holidays. 

            Grease starts this month!  I am kinda freaking out.  Plus the Nissen revue and russ.  It’s gonna be cray.

 

H:         Wow. Ok. So I guess I’ll see you in June? :-(

 

T:         Awww.  You’re breaking my heart, Henrik.  I’m sure we can find time to fit in a movie or a few hours of FIFA. 

 

H:         Or some platonic cuddling?

 

T:         Yeah.  Or that. ;-)

 

H:         Ok.  Keep me posted, yeah?  And don’t forget about me…

 

T:         As if…

 

H:         Goodnight.  Xoxoxo

 

T:         Sweet dreams.  xo

 


	17. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Sunday Henjei angst...
> 
> I'm sorry. 
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam

T was on Cloud 9. He had just finished performing with his Grease cast mates at Idrettsgalla and it was a blast! Yes, he wished he hadn’t gone a bit flat on his last note – but everyone told him that no one would notice, and that even if they did, it added to the charm. 

T was hanging out backstage when suddenly he heard a familiar “Tar!”. He looked over and saw H striding over to him – huge grin on his face. T could feel his face light up, too.

“You did great, man!” H said as he as he gave T an odd one-armed “bro” hug.

“Uh, thanks?” T was clearly confused by H’s behavior – that was, until he looked behind him and saw Lea standing there, a small smile (smirk?) on her face.

H cleared his throat and turned to Lea so that he was standing in between the two of them.

“Great job, Tarjei.” She told him and gave him a quick, awkward hug. 

“Um. Thanks for coming you two. I’m glad you liked it.” T tried to smile back at them, but doubted that he pulled off a very convincing one. “Anyway, I need to round up with the cast to talk about stuff so, uh, see you.” T looked over at H – who clearly looked confused and upset – and then turned and walked away.

T was pissed.

*****

The next day H called and T debated not picking up. On the fourth ring, T decided to answer.

“Hi.”

“Tar! Hey! Hi!” H enthused.

“What do you want?”

“What?!? What do you mean? I called to say hi.”

“Yeah. I don’t have time to talk right now, so…”

“Wait! Shit! Tar! You’re really angry, aren’t you?”

“Angry? Damn fucking straight I am angry. Where do you come off bringing your GIRLFRIEND who fucking HATES ME to see me backstage? That was awkward as fuck, MAN!” T emphasized the last word – hopefully it hurt H just as much as it stung him the night before.

“I was stupid, wasn’t I?”

“You think??”

“It’s just that Lea and I have been hanging out again and she said that she felt it was wrong for her to make me choose between the two of you… So she said she wants to get to know you so that we can all be friends?”

“Is that a question? I’ll have you know that I do not have time to spend with my ACTUAL friends. I have zero desire to get buddy-buddy with Lea. And you think I’m gonna spend the precious little time I have to be with you being fucking babysat by your GIRLFRIEND? Or, better yet, being your third wheel? Are you nuts, Henrik? No FUCKING way!”

“Tar, don’t you think your overreacting just a bit? I mean, come on. It’s not like Lea is evil or something.”

“I never said she was, Henrik. But you’ve got to know that she is doing this on purpose. She has never wanted us to be friends. You know that.”

“What are you doing now? Can I come over? So we can talk?”

“I don’t know Henrik. Are you gonna tell Lea that you’re coming over?”

“Come on, Tar!”

“I need you to answer me. Are you going to tell Lea that you are coming to my house? Or you going to sneak over here like a fucking thief?”

H was silent.

“Guess that answers my question. Bye Henrik. Have a nice life.”

“FUCK! STOP! Tarjei, will you just let me talk for a second???”

“Talk…”

“Look, you need to know how hard this is for me, OK? I keep telling you how complicated things are with Lea. Well, they are. And I don’t know what to do. But I can tell you one thing for certain, I love you Tarjei. I really do love you. You are one of the most important people in my life and it kills me that I keep hurting you.”

“Oh Henrik, I’m not hurt. No. I am done being heartbroken by you. I’m fucking pissed that you dragged me into your drama. You know what? I know you love me. And I know you’re confused. And I know that you have a lot of pressure on you. But guess what? I do, too. And, frankly, I don’t have time for this elementary school shit. I’m about to be in a major musical, and my movie is coming out this year, and I’m graduating high school and – you know what? – I’m not gonna let you, or anyone else, drag me down.”

“Tarjei…” H sobbed.

“I know I said it before – but this time I fucking mean it; until you figure your shit out – don’t call me. Goodbye, Henrik.”

“TAR! Please don’t do this!”

T pressed “end” and threw his phone on to his bed. 

So, once again, he had said “goodbye” to H. But this time was different. This time he wasn’t heartbroken, he was ANGRY. This time he wasn’t sad, he was DONE.


	18. Chapter 17 - The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> So I think we've reached the end of this little Henjei fic.
> 
> While I would love to think of Tarjei and Henrik riding off into the sunset together and living happily ever after - I'm pretty sure that ain't gonna happen. 
> 
> After the last chapter, I wanted to write something from Henrik's POV - so here it is.
> 
> I hope no one is too disappointed with the ending. I tried to leave a little glimmer of "hope" for them in the future - but who knows?
> 
> In the meantime, keep supporting all the fic writers out there that feed our hungry Skam souls!
> 
> Tons of hugs!
> 
> MommaSkam

H was furious at himself. One moment – one fucking moment – of poor judgment and he'd lost his best friend. 

H would do anything to take that moment back. To put his foot down to Lea and tell her “no”, that he wanted to see T on his own. But Lea looked so genuine. So happy for T. 

Was she full of shit? Did she actually orchestrate this, knowing how it would make T feel?

The truth is, it didn’t even matter. What mattered was that HE had let it happen. HE had put T in an uncomfortable and awkward position. HE had singlehandedly ruined what was otherwise an incredible night for his friend.

All these past months of work that they put into their relationship. Learning to communicate. To trust each other. It was all fucking gone. Poof!

But H couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He would make it better. He would earn T’s love and trust again. He had to. 

H pulled out his phone. T told him not to “call”. He never said not to text. Right?

H knew that he was going to come off as pathetic – but he had to at least try… The thought of not having T in his life was just too much to bear.

**

H: Tarjei. Please talk to me.

**

H sent the text and waited. And waited. A full hour passed before T texted back.

**

T: I’m busy, Henrik. 

H: Tar. I’m dying here. My heart is broken. I can’t stand it. Please!!!!!!

T: What the fuck, Henrik? What do you want from me? 

H: I want my best friend back. I am so sorry. I am a fucking idiot. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t even know on what planet what I did would have been even remotely ok. 

T: You know what? I wish I could have my best friend back too, but the truth is, I never had him in the first place. Whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not, I was always some weird side “piece” while you carried on your life with your girlfriend. I was just fulfilling some sort of fantasy for you, Henrik - that we could have what we had when we were filming Skam. Don’t get me wrong, I got swept up in it too. You think I didn’t enjoy pretending? Pretending that we were, or maybe someday could be something more? But no. We have our images to keep up. Our futures to consider.

H: You’re not being fair, Tar. You make it sound as if you and I were just a game. You are not a game or a joke to me. I care about you deeply. You need to know that. 

T: I care about you too, Henrik, more than you even know. But that is why I need to let you go. There is no place for me in your life – not in the way that we want. And I refuse to go back to being “buddies”. God! That moment when you gave me that “bro” hug? I wanted to die on the spot. It would have been 1000 times better if you never came at all. I was so happy seconds before, and then you made me so, so, fucking angry!

H: Is that what you want, Tar? Really? Do you want me out of your life? Fuck, I am sitting her crying. This sucks so bad. 

T: No. It’s not that I WANT you out of my life, but I can’t go on not being real and genuine with each other and the rest of the world. I refuse to tiptoe around like we are doing something wrong. You know, when I spoke with Marlon the other day, and I told him that Lea had made an ultimatum, her or me – I said that I would NEVER do that to you. And I won’t. I won’t make you choose between us. BUT, I also will not participate in sneaking around her. Frankly, it makes me feel dirty. 

H: I understand. It was unfair what I did to you – and what I did to her. 

T: That’s the thing, Henrik, you didn’t DO anything. I am a big boy – I knew what was going on and I chose to look the other way. I figured so long as no one was getting hurt, then what did it matter? Well, the fucking joke is on us, because we were ALL getting hurt. 

H: So what do we do now, Tar? When I think about saying goodbye to you, I literally feel my chest splitting open. 

T: I don’t know. I need to focus on me, and I guess you need to focus on you. Focus on getting some great role in some great show. Maybe you should leave Oslo altogether, you know? Find yourself without all of your security blankets.

H: Who? You?

T: And your mom, and Lea and your friends. 

H: But what about us, Tar? 

T: There is no “us” Henrik. There never really was. I can tell you that I will always love you. And I know that you will always love me. I don’t doubt that. And maybe someday – maybe even years from now when we're older and established actors and have had our share of romances - we will find our way back to each other. Maybe then we will be ready to have the kind of relationship that – deep down – I think we both want. 

H: How are you so wise for an 18-year-old? 

T: I’ve had to grow up fast dealing with the likes of you.

H: So what now? Are you going to avoid me? 

T: No. Of course not. But I’m not going to sneak around anymore. No more sleepovers or cuddles – not unless or until we are ready to actually give “us” a try. Ok?

H: Ok. I get it. Can I still tell you that I love you? Because I do. 

T: I know. I love you too. And no matter what happens, I always will.

H: Thank you for everything, Tar. 

T: Thank you, Henrik. I’ve learned so much from you. And no matter what happens, I will always be grateful for you.

H: Goodbye, Tarjei.

T: Goodbye, Henrik. 

 

THE END


End file.
